Social Media

[Matteblak]

So I am probably the only person on earth not on Facebook or Instagram or any of the others, but my uNPD wife is on all of them, all the time. Does anyone else deal with their PD thinking that everything everyone else posts on those places, including WHEN they post, is about them? My wife will post something then go looking for other people's posts and find the most convoluted ways to make connections and to take offense. You would have to use a supercomputer to figure these things out, but suddenly I'm the unsupportive jerk for not agreeing with her that other people wait all day long to post until just after she does as a way to somehow one-up her...My guess is that this is not an uncommon thing, but with the holidays coming, it seems to be worse.

[notrightinthehead]

Sounds like this irritates you. How about you shake your head, say these people... or some people..., then go off and do your own thing. Think your own thoughts.

[IcedCoffee]

So I am probably the only person on earth not on Facebook or Instagram or any of the others, but my uNPD wife is on all of them, all the time. Does anyone else deal with their PD thinking that everything everyone else posts on those places, including WHEN they post, is about them? My wife will post something then go looking for other people's posts and find the most convoluted ways to make connections and to take offense. You would have to use a supercomputer to figure these things out, but suddenly I'm the unsupportive jerk for not agreeing with her that other people wait all day long to post until just after she does as a way to somehow one-up her...My guess is that this is not an uncommon thing, but with the holidays coming, it seems to be worse.

OMG, yes! Someone makes a post and uBPDw says it's a copy of their post. Or it's an attack on them. She sees "clues" in everything people post, or in whether or not she gets liked. She can spend five hours a day on Instagram. She will spend two hours on a single post, worrying about all the negative things people will think about it. (It's a sunset, FFS, how bad can they be?) She posts it and then two minutes later takes it down. She is wasting her life. She often asks me to proof read her posts. I try not to, but she is so vulnerable at those moments, it's hard to watch. I once made one tiny, insignificant, error, not even an error just one word that maybe could have been improved, she had a full-blown panic attack, screaming at me, with all the usual threats of divorce.

[Bessogon]

I don't sit on social networks only for work. But I don't spend my free time on social networks. As in the case of food, gambling, and many other temptations of our time, excessive use оf social networks may be undesirable for some people. But, оn the other hand, it would be a mistake to say that they are an absolute evil because networks give a lot of advantages. I won't ask anyone, and everyone says that they are interested in communicating with friends and interesting news that appear in their feed on social networks.

[Cat of the Canals]

We've witnessed this with my PDmil. We are LC, so I don't know how often it happens, but my guess is a lot. She has this undying grudge against her SIL, for no reason. She's just jealous and resentful of her and always seems convinced that everything SIL says is a veiled insult.

During the last visit, PDmil got in a snit over a photo SIL posted on social media. In a nasty, accusatory tone, she said, "Of course SIL gets a photo with her three kids on her birthday." This subtext was that this was somehow universally unfair because MIL wasn't going to get a photo with her kids on her birthday... I guess? I wouldn't be surprised if she also felt that SIL had done this on purpose to make MIL feel bad.

[Mary]

Social media honestly keeps my uNPDh busy which is less drama for me.

[losingmyself]

My problem with social media is that PD's can present whatever face they want to present to the public. My H looks as if he's a caring, loving person, even sharing posts about forgiving and forgetting, letting things go, allowing people to live their lives in non-judgemental ways. Things he most certainly does not convey to me or the people around him.
He also will immediately look at FB after a family gathering to make sure that the person posting has included him in the photos and well wishes. He has fooled anyone who doesn't have close contact with him.
We have a shared FB page, of course, and I don't post very much, but he does constantly, and sometimes he will post things that I don't agree with. Problem is, no one knows who posted this, and I don't know what to do about it.
So, for me, it can cause more drama.
However, I also must add, that I know more about my very large family of nieces and nephews than I ever have, I get to see their accomplishments, and their children growing up, and I am eternally grateful for that!

[Mary]

@losingmyself, Ditto on the nice guy posting.

If DH is the one always posting, people will likely know that it's him and not you. You could add your name to anything you post with a parenthetical note that you don't often post, so people will know the difference. Just my two cents.
Mary

[Prototypian]

Mine uses social media as an extension of emergencies.  Whenever she has a need for a crisis or way to interrupt normal activities, she goes to social media and finds something.

[FugitiveDaughter]

My NPD family member claims to be on social media mostly to promote their work (and to connect with their "secret" gang, it seems) but they have no idea anyone who is familiar with PDs can tell the difference between normal PR and self-promotion that goes well beyond the normal scope of building a brand. It's not just posting pictures of yourself and all these lofty thoughts about loving the world etc., NPD person posts admiring introductions and flattery others have written about them and basks in the warmth of the praise quite unashamedly. You know how people post those generic images that look like they've been bought from a photo agency and plaster a quote on top? The one key thing that made me laugh out loud was seeing those posted by a NPD person but instead of quoting some other great thinker, they were quoting themselves - with their title included.  I would say 99 percent of the stuff they post is about them with their face on it (they also love to list their "accomplishments"). Of course in this particular case, it goes well beyond normal stuff because that person is actually claiming to possess supernatural powers and has a group of "fans" but you get the idea. It's very nauseating.

As for myself, I don't spend half as much time on social media as I used to. It used to be a way for me to connect with people as I'm shy and struggle with meeting people face-to-face at times but then I noticed it's also a hunting ground for NPDs. I also felt like I wanted to have an outlet to express opinions after spending so many years being told to shut up or else when I was growing up. Took me a long time to learn that it's often better to just shut up there than to open up about thoughts you're having. The chance of being misunderstood and getting into hot water about something you weren't too serious about or didn't know how to explain properly is too big. I was also outright bullied several times in a couple of discussion groups by a few people who in hindsight seemed to be people with PDs so I was advised to stop conversing with people online.

I don't know whether it's a good or a bad thing, social media. I feel it's very difficult to have any meaningful conversations there or maintain meaningful relationships that way. I am happy about meeting relatives I've never would have met otherwise and staying in touch with old friends but otherwise... a bit of a waste of time.