There is life on the other side of a PD divorce

[dreamtree]

Just wanted to post a general message of hope and inspiration.

I divorced my PD spouse and remarried a partner who himself overcame a PD spouse. Together we have build a loving strong relationship that has allowed us to deal with the leftover baggage from our past. It's come in handy to have that baggage, believe it or not, as its given us perspective to help us raise my teen daughter to grow in spite of her mentally ill PD father.

Nothing is simple, of course. But you would be surprised how easy it is to build a life with a real and reasonable partner. They don't have to be perfect.  But the absence of toxicity really goes a long way to making life easier.

At this stage in our lives, PD issues as crop up here and there in people like my ex, or my estranged father's spouse, are a much much smaller portion of our thoughtworld. There comes a point where you move away from focusing so much on the past and feeling ok with the amount of sense that can be made of it all.

Staying in the present is a skill that takes practice developing, but it pays off BIG.  Its a much better place to view the future than the past, once you put past pain into its proper place.

The life I have now would have been literally unimaginable about 10 years ago.  I would have never been able to see the path forward. I acted when the time came, and dealt with what came at me.

All I can say is keep moving forward and know that you don't need all the answers at once.

[Hilltop]

There comes a point where you move away from focusing so much on the past and feeling ok with the amount of sense that can be made of it all.

Staying in the present is a skill that takes practice developing, but it pays off BIG.  Its a much better place to view the future than the past, once you put past pain into its proper place.

Thanks for sharing dreamtree.  I was thinking something similar last night although I don't have the PD spouse it is my FOO.  I have not yet stopped focusing on the past however last night I was thinking about how much time I have spent focusing on them and the past and trying to make sense of it all.  I thought about all the time I have spent looking through the patterns trying to understand it.  I sort of realised last night that I am probably at the point where it's going to make all the sense it was ever going to make because I am not ever going to hear what they think and that is missing piece.  I will have my own thoughts and opinions on it but at this point I really need to accept that I would be better off turning the focus back to me and leaving all that in the past and moving on with my life.  I have done so much grieving work and I really want to move forward.  I have come to realise I am stuck and so your post really grabbed me.

I do struggle with staying present and my thoughts naturally gravitate to them.  I think this is just habit though.  I am hoping to bring the focus back on my life now.  I am hoping that my life is also going to be unimaginable in 10 years time.

I am so happy you are on the other side and have peace.

[JustKeepTrying]

I love posts like this.  Inspirational.

[GentleSoul]

Lovely to read your post.  Thanks for sharing. 

[Kat54]

It's great to read about life being so much better. I hope we all can get there.
I'm trying hard to get in a better headspace. Most days I'm ok but I don't know why I think about my ex and then I feel angry or sad, rehash things in my head.  He shouldn't be occupying my head as much as he does.

My life though is much much better but I keep staying focused on moving forward.