Debilitating grief over anyone passing

[GravityOfBeauty]

Has anyone experienced a PD individual in your life who becomes debilitated by the passing of even distant relations?

Some examples from my uBPDw:
- We had a neighbor who passed from COVID last winter, we met him once. My wife was depressed for weeks after he died and still has moments of immense grief / anger thinking about it.
- Pet dying (that was a rough one...)
- Recently, my uBPDw's grandmother passed away. She was a very sweet woman who we saw rarely due to living in different countries. W is completely overcome with grief, I think she'll be depressed / debilitated for weeks.

Maybe I'm too stoic. I found all of these passings incredibly sad, and I made sure to express my deepest sympathy. W didn't / doesn't believe I'm genuine... I know grief takes time and I want to fully honor that. It does seem rather on the extreme end of the spectrum, though.

[Boat Babe]

Grief is sometimes complicated. I recently lost a friend and it hit much, much harder than I would ever have imagined.  I think for people with PDs this is the same. If your person had some significant and traumatic losses back in the day, they will take things, even the death of a pet, very very hard. Throw problems with emotional regulation into the mix and there you go. 

However, there's the PD angle too, and the extra support and comfort you give your grieving wife may be the reason her grief is so extreme and prolonged.

Tricky. Be kind, as I'm sure you are, without being used for Supply.

[Poison Ivy]

 

[GravityOfBeauty]

Grief is sometimes complicated. I recently lost a friend and it hit much, much harder than I would ever have imagined.  I think for people with PDs this is the same. If your person had some significant and traumatic losses back in the day, they will take things, even the death of a pet, very very hard. Throw problems with emotional regulation into the mix and there you go. 

However, there's the PD angle too, and the extra support and comfort you give your grieving wife may be the reason her grief is so extreme and prolonged.

Tricky. Be kind, as I'm sure you are, without being used for Supply.

I completely agree - grief is so complicated. You have an excellent point, though; I believe my uBPDw is using it as a tactic to gain attention, soothing, and closeness. Just a few minutes ago she was demanding a hug because she was angry about the most recent passing. Thank you for the reminder and I will continue to be kind and tread that line carefully.