I can't tolerate any of her paranoia, no matter how smal

[foggyme]

I haven't spoken to her in some time and of course, I got guilty. I browsed through the messages she sent me throughout the last months and bam, cured. I think that through the years i have developed some sort of intolerance to crazy outlandish accusations or unwarranted guessing on other people's lives. I can't take even a gram more ...

[Amadahy]

Probably most, if not all, of us here understand.  We grow used to putting up with so many outlandish things and all of a sudden (it seems), we can't find a smidgen of space to tolerate one.more.thing.  Well, these things are cumulative.  Behaviors, rages, silences, tiptoeing around adds up and one day, we are finished.  And, this is when we must give ourselves the grace to accept that enough is enough and there's not a thing we can do but take care of ourselves.    It's all so ridiculously disheartening.  I'm sorry.  xoxo

[Hilltop]

Yep I have the same thing but with criticism and mocking.  I cannot tolerate this behaviour.  I can accept constructive criticism but I don't have have any time for insults anymore.

I think there just comes a time when a person is just done with it.

[feralcat]

I think this ties in with my recent post re siblings etc.
When I detached from my unPdM I took a big event for me to have had enough. I went from enmeshed to indifferent in a couple of months.
This last 'transitition', re my siblings wasn't due to a Big Bang but more of a short lived triggered flashback. Followed by nope, fed up with this, exiting from the game . It's damaging to me, and it's not normal. ( of course, inevitably they're now chasing me. It's almost like telepathy. Oh no, a member of the pack is pulling away !)

I AM SO GLAD I GOT TO THIS SPACE. I can't believe that the balancing point was so ....precarious ? Maybe it's where hope doesn't spring eternal ? The flame finally goes out ? Adios, FOG ....and hope.
Even if I see them again , my mind won't be in the old groove. Observe not absorb and all that.

So yes, I agree it's a process. And one that maybe we can't force. It just ...happens. If the stars align.

[Boat Babe]

I totally get you. For me, it's my mother's insane levels of anxiety. I just can't.  Unfortunately this makes me very unsympathetic when real stuff comes up

Boy who cried wolf and all that.

[Cat of the Canals]

You described my PDmil to a tee. She jumps to the wildest conclusions, always the most dramatic and soap opera-worthy ones, and we're all left wondering, "Where did that come from????"

My husband is pretty good at gray rocking through most of her nonsense, but this week she made a particularly nasty accusation (blaming BIL's ex-girlfriend for his death), and he called her out on it. He later wondered aloud why he bothered to come out of gray rock at all, kind of beating himself up over it. I told him, "We all have a line. She crossed yours. It's not a bad thing to remind them of that now and again."

[donutmoonpanda]

It's incredible the way being away from the madness can finally make it more obvious, and remove our tolerance for it.

I can now finally see my mother's gossip for what it is. There's a high probability that everything she says is entirely untrue and based on nothing in reality.

[moglow]

I haven't spoken to her in some time and of course, I got guilty. I browsed through the messages she sent me throughout the last months and bam, cured. I think that through the years i have developed some sort of intolerance to crazy outlandish accusations or unwarranted guessing on other people's lives.

She jumps to the wildest conclusions, always the most dramatic and soap opera-worthy ones, and we're all left wondering, "Where did that come from????"

I can now finally see my mother's gossip for what it is. There's a high probability that everything she says is entirely untrue and based on nothing in reality.

I had a very similar epiphanies recently, read through old messages then thought back to things I'd been told all my life and realized that there's no basis in reality for many things she said. It seems things came to mind, then she kept repeating it to herself until it became fact and she became entrenched in that "truth", and has said them countless times since.

Is it any wonder we have problems with trust??

[Cat of the Canals]

I had a very similar epiphanies recently, read through old messages then thought back to things I'd been told all my life and realized that there's no basis in reality for many things she said.

I still have those moments and doubt it will ever end. Some memory will pop into my head of something she said, and I'll suddenly realize, "Well that doesn't make sense." It's hard to not berate myself for believing some of it, but I was a kid and assumed "mother knows best."

[moglow]

Some memory will pop into my head of something she said, and I'll suddenly realize, "Well that doesn't make sense." It's hard to not berate myself for believing some of it, but I was a kid and assumed "mother knows best."

During md's final meltdown a few months ago I had the audacity to point a few particular situations out to her and asked for clarification. She countered with spitting at me "That's not what happened and you know it!" on one and the other NEVER happened at all, that I was imagining it "as usual." Thankfully I'm past the point where I swallow and believe all the tripe she throws out there. I'll absolutely miss or forget small details and definitely dates, but make up events? Worse, those weren't just with me and I KNEW other people were there if I needed confirmation. I don't really care if someone forgets or doesn't remember things the way I do, and damned if I'm going to go all sideways and volcanic over it. But my point, as far back as I can remember she'd said I had a convenient memory or was inventing things. Now I just realize my whole life with her was a lie.

[bunnie]

My mother died a couple of months ago. I've been in a fog of guilt bc I had put my foot down in December and told her I was "done". I meant done with the cycle of playing second fiddle to my uNPD sister who had just sent her husband and a thug over to attack me. My parents blamed me!!! Anyway, fast forward, I had minimal conversation with my mother and figured that we'd work things out this spring. She died in February.
My father is blaming me while denying that he's blaming me for the family's dysfunction up to her death and since. So I'm grieving and guilting myself.

It's almost comical how they manage to "tag" me as "it" no matter what's going on. I never catch a break as the scapegoat. What a life! I'll get through it.

Hang in there. I (we) totally get it.