Insanity starting up again, but a bit more distant this time

[OddFamily]

So grandma's starting to agitate to live on her own again and not have 24 hour help in home as it's expensive. Fair enough, but she's a blaring safety alarm without assistance. We've accepted she can't live on her own, she apparently hasn't.
Mom was talking with her, pointing out you could move to assisted living and showed her it was cheaper by a good margin. Her response, "I wouldn't like it". Ok, you never gave it a chance, but if you want to live independently, then you have to carry a cell phone and emergency page button (which she had and didn't use and when she fell and broke her hip, was not found for hours as a result), and make extensive modifications to the house (put an easier to roll on flooring down, use a counter top microwave as opposed to the over stove one, etc). She's had over a year to deal with the microwave, all she had to do was ask me can I bring over my spare one. Has she done so? No.
And when she was still working with OT and OT was trying to teach her how to do more things independently, she kept saying "I have help for this".
She's not safe to live on her own, but I'm taking a more "I know this is a bad idea, I tried to warn you but you're not listening" approach. Hopefully when mom makes her go through a day without assistance grandma will realize she does need help. Grandma kept saying "I want to get stronger, I want to live on my own again", but it's simply not happening, in part because she wasn't compliant with PT and OT, everything was always a million excuses. There's not only mobility issues and fall risk, but she's got cognitive issues too.
We might have to do the ok, do as you please, but you may end up being moved involuntarily, that's what happened to her next door neighbor and he's doing 100x better in assisted living.
Hopefully she comes to her senses but I doubt that, her want to everything just so is running things here. What's it going to take to snap her out of it? Probably nothing will, but if she wants to undo a hip replacement by falling and shattering the bone around the prosthesis, or earning a matching one on the other side, neither I nor the surgeon will be pleased. 
Thanks for letting me vent, she'd be in a better place if she could get out of her own way, but that's not happening.

[bloomie]

OddFamily - I am so glad you shared what is happening with your grandma. This type of scenario is so stressful to the entire family system. Your post brought up so many memories of being in a similar position as you and your mom are right now.

Any type of care, assistance, safety measures we attempt to put in place for my medically, cognitively, physically fragile in laws and parents were resisted and outright refused. Caregivers... let go after a week. Someone to clean the house... changed to once a month.. then let go. Someone to help care for the property...the same. Meals on Wheels... we don't need that much food. Cancelled. Visiting nurse for daily wound care... "we don't need anyone to do that "bloomie" can do it. 😡  Medallion to call for help... will not wear it. Meds properly set up... dismantled and chaotically reorganized incorrectly. 

In the meantime, we were run ragged and they were deteriorating. Falls, trips to the ER, hospital stays and the like.

This was especially tricky with my uOCPDmil who was running the show. She simply did not want to spend any money or have her routines disturbed because nothing and no one did anything correctly.

The other thing that was a constant difficulty is that mil would get inappropriately involved in the personal lives of whomever did come into their home for a short time. 

In laws insisted they could do it on their own. So, hard as it was we stepped back. They lasted two months on their own with injuries, middle of the night falls, hospitalizations, med mix ups, etc., and we stepped back in and moved them kicking and screaming.

They were in their lovely AL community ONE WEEK and when we visited them they said something like: "We are so glad we chose this place and decided to move. We love it! We are not like so many of our friends who make this kind of thing hard on their adult children." 

Mil still complains... nothing is good enough, and we are still responsible for a lot of her practical kinds of needs - but, the big difference is it is much harder for her to dismantle the support system we use to care for her these days.

All of this to say, I am with you and I know how much of a grind a noncooperative, actively resistant, self centered elder's care can be. I hope your family is able to find a way to move your grandma into a supportive environment very soon.