Mirroring + Narcissism

[PeaceIsPeace]

New here, but not new to personality disorders. Have a family with probable NPD and was previously married to someone with probable NPD/BPD.

So, I had a pretty strong spiritual life when I was young. Going to church was important to me. My ex-husband had some bad experiences with religion (his father was very abusive, also probably narcissistic) so resisted the idea of going to church. However, when we split up he suddenly started going to church. My therapist said he was probably "mirroring"--e.g., showing me what I wanted to see in an effort to win me back.

I also have a sister with probable NPD (or something cluster-B) who has done something so very similar.

After breaking up with my husband, I created a social media account where I shared quotes from different spiritual traditions. It was really just a fun, uplifting thing to do, and I enjoyed seeing connections between different traditions. I also shared some poetry and general uplifting quotes. I'd usually pick a theme each day and share three quotes. No big deal.

Both my sister and my ex-husband seemed to take these quotes very personally, like I was talking to them directly. And both said the exact same thing to me about it, "You're not Mother Teresa." Well, no obviously. I never claimed to be. I'm just sharing a few quotes online each day.

Eventually, I fell away from doing that and have since deleted the account.

But my sister then picked up the torch. She had a whole account dedicated to religion, which is fine. However, her behavior and her religious professions don't sync up. I hate to say that because I believe we can never know what exists in someone's heart. But I know she's just as malicious and manipulative as ever--just acts like a saint online--like she's, you know, Mother Teresa. She loves to quote Mother Teresa too, whenever she gets a chance.

So, weird huh? I mean, classic narcissism, but weird, isn't it? And weird that they'd both pick that about me to mirror. Hmm.

Does anyone else have any experiences like this?

[sunshine702]

Yes Narcs very much pick up "your thing".  And then do it better than you ever did / sarc.

I was vegetarian in a relationship with a Narc boyfriend once.  He was a meat eater. No big deal.  I had my personal reasons then. Well he ran off with Ms Super vegan (one uppmanship) even though it was never a competition - it is for THEM.  He posts endlessly about being VEGAN.  Eyetoll

Sounds like your journey with religion.  They are being ridiculous. Ignore.

[PeaceIsPeace]

Your super vegan story makes me laugh. I was a vegetarian for a while too. Sounds like you were better at it than me to provoke super vegan one-upmanship.

Yep, it's completely ridiculous.

[TiredOfNarcs]

Even the little things are noticeable too once you pick up on it. I've seen narc exes use emojis they'd never used prior to our breakup purely because I used them. I've seen narc exes use my slang after our breakup after never having used it before. I've seen narc exes "borrow" the sincere words of love/affirmation I'd said to them, word for word, to their new supply as though it was a new cool line to recite. You were a masterclass in how to pretend to be an empath, and they're going to use it to their maximum advantage.

That all said, it's important to distinguish this form of insincere mirroring to the kinds of parroting/mirroring that happens with non-PD neurodivergent people. My best forms of learning social skills growing up as an autistic girl were adapting the mannerisms and behaviors I'd learned from the neurotypical people around me, not because I was putting on an act, but because I saw their actions as socially-accepted ways to communicate the things I sincerely wanted to convey.

[Cat of the Canals]

I've definitely experienced this with narcissistic peers, but most of my narc experience is with my mother and mother-in-law, and they tend to do the opposite. That is, PDmom and PDmil are both obsessed with getting other people to mirror them. PDmil, for example, has tried to get us to order the same dish she's getting at a restaurant. She has gotten huffy when we refused. PDmom rarely asks for my honest opinion. Instead, she leads with something that tells me that my opinion SHOULD be. (I.E. the same as hers.) "But don't you think...?" "You never did that, did you?"

[Cascade]

I'm not sure if this is mirroring but my PD husband took over my favorite spot on the sofa, and has started to use my mug. I'm happy to sit wherever and drink out of another mug but there's something about it that rubs me the wrong way.