Not sure it's related, but feeling triggered

[blunk]

I'm not sure this is even related to the PD I divorced, but what I'm feeling is just too similar, I can't ignore it. It feels like C-PTSD. Right down to the feeling inthepit of my stomach when I hear the "veiled" suicide threats.

I recently found out that my dad has been diagnosed with Parkinson's and dementia. (He was hiding the diagnosis, not wanting to worry me.) Sometimes he is cognizant, but it often seems that he doesn't know who i am, confusing me with my mom (she passed when I was 17). Needless to say, my heart breaks every time this happens.

Tonight he called 4 times in a row, asking if/when he could come home. I reassured him that when his doctor gave the ok, DH and I would be there to get him. He questioned whether he should fly (the rehab is in the town in which he resides).

The other convoluting factor is his wife. Just before he was hospitalized he told me that he was looking to divorce her. Supposedly she said no, unless she got half of everything. Realizing the seriousness of the situation I consulted a lawyer about options. Based on the information I was able to provide, he felt that we should question the doctor(s) about declaring him unable to make decisions on his own behalf.

But since they are married, I have no rights, unless his wife is unwilling or unable to take charge. As such, I can't even get answers to medical questions. So, I can't even verify whether she is being honest. To my observation, she still loves and cares about him, but I can't say whether there are ulterior motives.

I want more than anything to do what is best for my father. Yet, I  feel blocked at every turn.

Not since my divorce from bpdxh have I felt this level of exhaustion, or this heaviness in my chest. I am once again hyper-vigilant, not for fear of anger and/or rage, but for fear of him needing me, preventing me from getting into a deep sleep.

There is so much more, but I can't even put some of it into words. My DH is so supportive, but I feel like the rest of my family is MIA.

[bee well]

Hi Blunk,

I am sorry to hear you about your Dad.

The situation you have described with he, and his wife, would be beyond difficult in any circumstance.  You want to protect your Dad and your alarm bells are going off. Adding in the stress of the previous trauma with your ex, it's understandable that you would be triggered.

Seeing a beloved in the condition you have described, doing the best one can, and knowing that in spite of that, the outcome situation is beyond one's sphere of influence, takes time to radically accept.

It is wise to seek legal counsel, and to ask questions of everyone involved. Even the answers are not clear at this time, it helps to know you have thoroughly examined all aspects of the situation.

I'm glad to hear you have DH at your side to support you as you navigate these rough waters.

Please, move as slowly as possibile, and take care of yourself.

Hugs...

[blunk]

Thank you for your kind reply, bee well.

It's all very overwhelming. I have a tendency to try to make sure everyone around me is ok in these kinds of situations. Some self care is definitely in order.

[Lookin 2 B Free]

I'm so sorry to hear you're dealing with this, Blunk.  Big hugs to you. 

How smart of you to consult an attorney right off the bat.  If there's a time for someone to act out and try to pull a fast one, it seems to be when a family member is very ill or dying.  I have been shocked listening to the stories of others and also watching my own family.  It usually has to do with disallowing access to the sick person or with cheating on the inheritance.

I hope you help yourself to some big servings of self compassion, self care, and self appreciation.  it can only help things overall, and you deserve it!