How a grandmother can do this I will never understand

[Lilyloo]

I am as angry as it gets!   My grandaughter turned 16 yesterday.  She's a good sweet kid.  My niece's  son graduated last weekend. My niece posted pictures  My mother has been all over niece's FB page sending love, how proud she is of him, how it made her day,how handsome he is, but she has not even sent my grandaughter a happy birthday.   I must say that as far as I know my mother barely knows her great grandson.  It sickens me how she has ignored my children, now my grandchildren.  I am done with this woman.  I  have no clue how anyone can do these things. She is a mean spiteful person.  Sad she is my mom and disgusted. Thanks for hearing my vent.

[Liketheducks]

Ugh.....that is horrible.   I'm so sorry.

[SunnyMeadow]

How awful of her. I went through a similar thing and it made me really angry, just like you are. I don't blame you for being done with her.

[blacksheep7]

 

She is probably doing this to get back at you......could it be? 

I don't remember the details of  your relationship with her but do remember she is very demanding.

[Amadahy]

I woke up to my Nmom's abuse only after she started on my children.  While I'm not glad for their exposure to the toxicity, that's what it took for me to finally begin to disentangle from the trauma bond, erect good boundaries, and start to heal.  Sorry that happened to your DD and I hope she doesn't think it's anything to do with her. 

[bee well]

Lilyloo, I am sorry your Mom behaves in this way.  The  (social media) triangulation and favoritism is so insidious... If you call it out then they say it's in your imagination, you are being petty. If you do nothing then it gets stuffed down and they get away from it. That's how it often plays out. It's sad, but it doesn't deserve your attention. It is good occasion to do something special with DD and your grand daughter. I hope you will pay special attention to what Amadahy wrote...Don't take the bait...

[Lilyloo]

Thank you everyone so much! I honestly don't know how I'd cope if not for this forum and all of you.  From my childhood on to being a 68 year old woman, she has done such damage and it continues on through my children, now my grandchildren.   The bitterness in her towards so many is beyond my processing. 

This most possibly is to get at me, but who knows?  I have never been able to understand anything she does.  I have
spoken before how she stops in at my husbands place of business which is right beside me daughters house, yet cannot walk the little path to say hi to my daughter and grandkids. 

To answer about my relationship with her, there's none, unless she needs a ride to a doctor or needed me to raise my brothers when daddy died age 44.  My daddy suffered under her control.


I have all of it rolling in my head today, the mean words if I bought anything new, or fixed up our house.  A different car would be "I think its ugly"  or a house remodel " it must be nice" 

She visited this niece who's son graduated a couple months ago. My niece lives 35 miles away, yet a path to my daughters is to much. I would say I'm just being stupid, but I have enough sense to know wrong, and this is not only wrong but bitter and mean

I recently refused to listen to her bash my sister in law.  I stopped it in its tracks and never replied to her messages. Endless times I sat and said nothing about my sweet sister in law who did so much to help mother.    I suspect this is the revenge she reaps. I also told her go to the doctor offices 5 minutes from her house that I was not driving 40 miles anymore.  I said if you need to go 40 miles the community bus takes seniors to appointments.

All of this with my kids and grandkids just triggers how I was abandoned and ignored by her.  Mess with me the mama bear and you step over the boundary line!      Thank you dear ones, my friends and safety in times like this 

[NarcKiddo]

My uNPD grandmother only had 2 grandchildren - myself and my younger sister. She displayed blatant favouritism towards my younger sister. My uNPD mother told me just to put up with it. As an older sister I should be glad my younger sister was getting treats and not jealous that I was being left out or sad that my grandmother thought I was an ugly, ungainly creature that she did not want to be seen out with. My grandmother at least had the grace to say such things to my mother in their language, which I did not speak. So I would have been oblivious to some of it had my mother not seen fit to tell me what had been said.

At least your children have a good mama bear to take care of them.

[Lilyloo]

Hugs to you narckiddo.  I am  so sorry she treated you so badly.  Thats terrible your mom told you to put up with it.  I just can't in any way understand these grandmother's or mothers. Tho I've studied about N parents for 20 years, I am never going to understand.  It's so so sad

[moglow]

Lily, you might want to consider blocking her on fb so you don't see that stuff. Mine is strictly social and to keep in touch with longtime friends, not there to prove a point or subject myself to things that do nothing but damage. What she does/says isn't yours and vice versa, ya know? What we don't see can't hurt us, if that makes sense. Were she to question and ask if she's blocked "oh? I hadn't noticed..." then carry on with next topic.  [SO thankful md has no clue about social media, but I can tell you I wouldn't hesitate to block her if she showed up there.][

[Lilyloo]

Moglow , I'm not friends with her on FB.  I saw it on my niece's page.  I wanted to see my dead brothers grandsons graduation pics. Best to not look anywhere. I enjoy seeing my grandgirls pictures. I feel she gets a free pass by ignoring her stuff. All my life I   was told to ignore or get over it. I do not understand that either.  I  don't like social media. I  don't even use my true name as  I don't need alot of friends. My daughter is it.  I  prefer looking at nature, art etc things like that.  You are right, you are wise and what we don't see can't hurt us. Thanks moglow

[moglow]

That's why I'm saying block her - that way you don't see her at all but still get to see and participate wherever you want.

[Lilyloo]

Yes I will.  Thank you for helping

[p123]

I get this from Dad but for another reason. Hes not seen either of my kids for 2/3 years now. Oldest probably for 4-5.
Does he care? Nope.

Hes so wrapped up in his own "problems" that he sees them as taking the attention away from him. Or my attention that is?

When daughter was 4 or 5 I used to take her with me to visit him. Several times he'd say something like "Oh you've brought her".
So I stopped taking her and he never mentioned it. His own grandkid and hes not interested.

Awful really... But I guess this is how some narcs get. My kids were of no use to them so why waste time on them.

[Lilyloo]

P123,  that is so horrible of your father to say "oh you've brought her"   I mean, I can't even process the cruelty of these parents of ours.  I want to get tough and stronger so it doesn't make me angry. So far I haven't  won that battle.  I'm so sorry your children were treated that way. 

[p123]

P123,  that is so horrible of your father to say "oh you've brought her"   I mean, I can't even process the cruelty of these parents of ours.  I want to get tough and stronger so it doesn't make me angry. So far I haven't  won that battle.  I'm so sorry your children were treated that way.

Hi Lily - as I've found out its all about them and no-one else matters. They'll never change.

Dad will probably never see his grandchildren ever now until he dies. Hes not bothered. It upsets me of course - just the thought of it. I've tried and tried to get him involved, the same as I've tried to get him to be a "normal" elderly person.  In my view, you should enjoy old age spending time with grandchildren but nope dad just wants to moan and groan and be miserable.

Know what you mean about being angry. 10 years+ for me. I've done OK with boundaries but I still get so angry (see my ranty posts on here!). So I know what you mean - to me its just so crazy to be like this.

[Lilyloo]

p123,  so true they will never change. I am seeing now that this has been my hangup.  I kept wishing she'd stop all the behaviors that confuse me.  I would never do such things, so I could not understand.  Our parents will keep on being who they are.  To many years have passed and the damage was done.  I'm trying to figure out how to get her out of my head.  The anger is a bad thing.   It's bad for all of us who haven't quite figured out how  to let it go.  Thank you and each of you here who offer good advice.   I hope we all find peace.   

[p123]

p123,  so true they will never change. I am seeing now that this has been my hangup.  I kept wishing she'd stop all the behaviors that confuse me.  I would never do such things, so I could not understand.  Our parents will keep on being who they are.  To many years have passed and the damage was done.  I'm trying to figure out how to get her out of my head.  The anger is a bad thing.   It's bad for all of us who haven't quite figured out how  to let it go.  Thank you and each of you here who offer good advice.   I hope we all find peace.   

Yep the anger is still there for me too. Its so hard to get rid of it.

I suppose its human nature when we don't understand how they can be like they are. Thats what gets me I guess.