It's time to have to change strategies with my narc ex.

[TiredOfNarcs]

There was a point I'd thought the grey rocking had finally worked. He'd finally lost interest and moved on.

Then, weeks later, a fraternity brother of his came up to me and told me my narc ex was going around saying how "concerned" he was for me because I was "unstable" and "an alcoholic." I hadn't achieved the NC I'd been so staunchly committed to - he just decided to switch strategies.

So I think it may be time to shift gears a bit going forward. Obviously I'm still going to go grey rock if I ever have to encounter him, but I think it's high time I did more to limit the number of opportunities he gets to see me face-to-face. His name has been thrown around for months now in my sorority as someone to potentially go on our blacklist - I didn't want to go through the emotional labor of being summoned to a standards board meeting and weighing in on it myself, especially since if they decided to blacklist him it would mean he would be essentially banned from all mixers since we're the only sorority that his fraternity mixes with. A recipe for conflict with him. But now it seems "conflict" is happening either way, given the ways he's been recently attempting to smear me, and there's enough of us in my sorority (myself included) that are uncomfortable with his presence at these mixers that it might be best for everyone if he is individually blacklisted.

It's giving me an incredible amount of anxiety, but I think I'll be doing the right thing if I decide to speak to standards board.

[bloomie]

TiredofNarcs - I'm sorry this has gone a couple of days without response. I am hoping there will be solidarity in numbers as you address this to the standards board and others are in agreement.

I would imagine it would be a great relief to not run into him at mixers. It is interesting you observe that no matter the tools and tactics you have been using this person is going to push for conflict and contact with you either way. That has to be very stressful.

How are you doing today?

[TiredOfNarcs]

There's some good news and some bad news.

I came forward to Standards Board and they made the decision to blacklist him. However, since he isn't an immediate physical danger to anyone, they aren't allowed to bar him from mixers between his fraternity and our sorority since these mixers take place at their frat house and they can only tell a fraternity brother not to come to his own house in the instance that his presence endangers anyone. Still, it means I won't have to deal with him at my sorority's other events, which is good at least.

[bloomie]

I like the good news part of this update. And I am imagining the mixed emotions you must be feeling about the board's decision.

In total awe of you coming forward!

[TiredOfNarcs]

In a weird way, not banning him from mixers actually takes a bunch of stress off of me since that would be by far the thing he'd be angriest about. While I've accepted that he'll do his smear campaigning no matter what I do (or don't) do, I think banning him from mixers would be seen as an act of war in his eyes and he'd really start to escalate things.