Words of encouragement for me

[mtforme3]

Hi. Been in narcissist marriage for 28 yrs.  leave numerous times only to go back.  My youngest child graduated this year and I've made plans to leave.  The guilt is real.  I'm very codependent as well.  He's covert narcissist.   When I go back to him, I just wish I was gone, then when I leave I question if I can go through with it.   I have a place rented.  I leave In 2 weeks. I know my grown boys will not be happy has their father is a master emotional manipulator.   Any words of encouragement to get through the first month or so?  I do plan on going no contact.  I also understand to treat this as a drug addiction.   Much love 

[Associate of Daniel]

Welcome, mt4me3.

You will find much encouragement on the forum, especially on the separated board.

It sounds like you've already taken some serious steps to help yourself already. Take courage in that, to begin with.

You might find counselling helps with the trauma bonding.

And do visit the other areas of this forum for helpful information. They go into what to do/not do, common behaviours of the various pds etc.

I'm sure others will respond soon as they come across your post.

AOD

[guitarman]

Welcome. You are not alone.

I have an undiagnosed BPD/NPD sister. I define her as my abuser and I am her target of abuse. She has traumatised our family for decades. I have gone no contact with her for over two years. I never want to see her ever again.

You may like to watch the videos by Kris Godinez on YouTube. She is an author and counsellor who specialises in Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome and shows how targets of abuse can cope better. I have learnt such a lot from her and make sure to watch her videos twice a week. She helps me to maintain my firm boundaries and reminds me what I have been through.

Her YouTube channel is called "We Need To Talk with Kris Godinez".

She has a reading list of books she recommends on her Facebook page that may help you.

She suggests that we all need to work on building our self esteem first. Then we are better equipped to cope.

Well done for having a plan in place.

I wish you well and hope it all goes peacefully.

Please reach out to other people and support groups in your area. They will be able to help you more through the first month and then into the future. I have been attending support groups for over ten years. I will probably need support for the rest of my life and I'm OK with that.

Only we know what it is like to cope with such a person in our lives who causes so much stress and trauma. Other people really don't understand unless they have been through it all themselves. It can be so surreal and bizarre at times.

Whatever happens keep calm. We can't change anyone else's behaviour we can only change and control our own.

Abusers are all about power and control. Don't feed their narcissistic supply. Stay calm.

Observe don't absorb.

World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day is on June 1st. There is a free WNAAD Survivor Empowerment Telesummit online that you may like to watch with many expert speakers.

https://wnaad.com/

Keep calm. Stay strong. Stay safe. Keep posting.