Probably a dumb question but....

[tommom]

Birthday today. My unNPDh has been ill (and he is a MASSIVE hypochondriac), had surgery, 3 weeks in the hospital, etc. and I did the caretaker....again. He simply won't do what is required for his recovery (simple stuff) but continues to act like he is just at death's door. He had a second stint in the hospital for two days because he has refused to do what he needs for his recovery.

A little bit ago, went to my choice of restaurant for my birthday dinner. While there he was awful. Utterly. Still is awful.

So my question (probably a dumb one) is do Cluster B's seem to actually enjoy ruining your good times? I was and still am so upset. I can normally GR it, but that was really unexpected. Never seen him quite so ugly (but then I have been on him to take the steps to self-care. Pretty confusing, maybe stupid of me to think that helping him take care of himself - yeah, yeah, co-dependent tommom - would be a cause of such hatefulness.)

[Andeza]

Absolutely. Hallmark of cluster Bs as far as I'm concerned. Although the other facet of it is that they can't endure letting anyone else be the focus for any amount of time, so they act up, make fools of themselves usually in the process, have a big medical "episode" etc.

I highly advise either going back to the restaurant alone and enjoy a meal yourself and enjoy the atmosphere for yourself in order to not allow him to ruin your birthday, or take a couple of close friends if that's your kind of thing (I don't have any close friends nearby and don't judge, lol).

I couldn't tell you how many holidays/birthdays/family gatherings were messed up because my uBPDm had to be the center of attention. Somehow. Usually through medical means.

Happy Birthday!

[Cat of the Canals]

Oh yes. PDmom's signature move is to have a big party, and then make herself and everyone else miserable leading right up until guests arrive. Then she puts on the Benevolent Hostess act, but any time the guests are out of earshot, there is angry hissing/grumbling/swearing. The last two times I was at someone else's event with her, she spent part of the time sulking by herself for no apparent reason (though it was likely because she wasn't getting to call the shots). 

PDmil likes to mix things up. Sometimes she ruins get-togethers by bringing up embarrassing/TMI health topics related to one of the guests. Other times she makes nasty comments to her children or racist/homophobic remarks. The only thing you can be certain of is that if things don't go her way, she'll sabotage the whole thing.

[Free2Bme]

Yes tommom, this has been my experience with updxh. 

At first I thought it compulsive, and assumed he couldn't help it.  After many years, I realized that he was fully aware, in control, and unapologetic.  He could turn it off and on at will, with no remorse post-chaos. 

Cluster B is wired differently.  Many PD persons derive a sense of reward from causing chaos, and hurting others.  IMO, they have addictive tendencies and are dependent on the hit, and will come back again and again once they know where to get the pay-off.

It's miserable to be on the receiving end of this. The only thing you can know for certain is that it will keep happening.     

[moglow]

"She puts on the Benevolent Hostess act, but any time the guests are out of earshot, there is angry hissing/grumbling/swearing. The last two times I was at someone else's event with her, she spent part of the time sulking by herself for no apparent reason (though it was likely because she wasn't getting to call the shots).

PDmil likes to mix things up. Sometimes she ruins get-togethers by bringing up embarrassing/TMI health topics related to one of the guests. Other times she makes nasty comments to her children or racist/homophobic remarks. The only thing you can be certain of is that if things don't go her way, she'll sabotage the whole thing."

How very familiar! Mother would even cling to my arm like we were somehow in cahoots with her laughing at and insulting everyone. I started avoiding her at gatherings and eventually realized everyone else was too. So she'd ramp up a pity party.I might not know the specifics of what was to come but her inner tsunami was there waiting for an opening.

One on one wasnt much better. Any and every attempt to redirect any given situation was futile, mother made it all about her and her feelings regardless of circumstances. And then complain that people avoided her, that she's being ostracized.

It seems like mean kid behavior to me, that any attention is better than none. And woe betide the person simply looking forward to a special occasion ...