Psychosomatic symptoms of anxiety

[mary_poppins]

Hi all.

I'm again finding myself experiencing physical symptoms of anxiety or c-ptsd. I'm still in contact with PD family and I guess something they said/did triggered these symptoms. However, I am having a hard time believing that anxiety can really manifests physically, too. Not sure why.
Example of symptoms: tiredness, the feeling of being spaced out, thinking there's something wrong with me physically (a hidden disease) and a great inability to concentrate on day to day things and extreme muscle tension.
There is also a new symptoms: acid reflux. I have read that this mostly comes from stress (can confirm it).

Did you also have these physical symptoms of anxiety during your contact with abusive family members? Did they go away after cutting ties with the fam?

Basically this post is mostly about getting reassurance for what I feel.

[notrightinthehead]

Definitely! In my case confused mind, inability to sit still, concentrate. Forgetting things. Losing things. Heart racing. Shortness of breath. Stomach ache. Digestive problems. Irritable bowel. Between three and five days after an incident. Mindfulness meditation helps, as well as writing down my fears and anger.

[NarcKiddo]

I haven't cut ties so I can't answer that part of your post.

I don't get gastric issues with stress/anxiety but I know a lot of people who do. That said, I recently had my gallbladder out due to gallstones. In my case they were not caused by cholesterol issues and I have seen it suggested that stress and anger can contribute to gallbladder issues, so who knows?

I do get tiredness, palpitations, shortness of breath and muscle tension, particularly in my jaw and shoulders.

I have also discovered that I have an elevated heart rate when I sleep. It is quite a lot higher than my resting heart rate when awake. I have done some research which seems to point to stress as a likely cause. I'm trying deep-breathing techniques. Starting therapy has also made me feel generally calmer and more in control, so it will be interesting to see what effect any of this has on the sleeping heart rate.

[easterncappy]

When I was in the process of trying to move away from my parents (also around the time I got married, bought a house, etc. - lots of big things at once), I was convinced I was allergic to every possible food group because all of it made me feel terrible. I barely ate for weeks and lost 20 lbs. Doctors could not find anything wrong and I had no actual food allergies. Miraculously, I was eating normally a month or two after all of those things were done and over with and I didn't have to worry about them anymore.

I didn't cut ties all the way. The idea does make me panicky now. But it was a huge shift away from them, and it freaked me out. I felt a lot better when I realized that I now live with a normal person, don't have to walk on eggshells anymore, etc.

And it wasn't the stereotypical hyperventilation... but I've had that, too. Back in the day, before I figured out that it really is anxiety, I even used to go to the urgent care about it. It really does feel like you're dying when you're not experienced enough with it. Then I got a blood oxygen monitor and a few other gadgets, and if I "can't breathe" with an spO2 of 98... I know I'm fine, lol.

It can manifest in a lot of ways. Many of the things it can feel like are not stereotypical. It's best to get checked out if you feel really sick, because it could always be legitimate, but after a while you might get into a routine like I did with the hyperventilating. You can get into the habit of riding a lot of these things out, knowing they're just from a panic attack, as long as they're the kinds of things you can verify aren't actually life threatening.

[Rosa Rugosa]

Yep! IBS, fatigue, panic attacks, varying heart rhythms, sometimes pounding, sometimes fluttery. Joint and muscle pain with no injury or unusual stress. Can't sit still. Nail biter. Used to breathe too quickly and shallow, managing to slow it down for longer periods of time now. Slow deep breath in, hold, slow out till empty, hold. I don't count, just go with what feels comfortable. I think it's the pause that helps me.

Also worry about having undiagnosed diseases. Usually when my anxiety is peaking. Our brains like to see patterns - I had a friend who did a nursing degree, we had some very rare and serious conditions over those years. They warned her this could happen, that some of her tutors did the same when they were students. So I keep this in mind when I get the health anxieties. That doesn't mean I ignore symptoms, I go for check ups and health screenings.

My situation is a little different. They went NC/discarding/ST with me. So I have some rejection to work on too. I'm not 'healed/cured' because they're not in my life anymore. I spent a long time stuck on them. Trying to learn about PDs, trying to make sense of everything from their perspective. Im trying to figure it out from my perspective now and work on me. Think I'm trying to say the NC has given me the headspace to learn and think and start healing, but was not a remedy itself for me.

[mary_poppins]

Thank you, all. It feels good to get the validation one needs for symptoms of anxiety. Yeah, I do get heart racing, too but it's rare. Most likely it will be a heart flutter (arrhythmia) which is definitely stress but also coffee consumption.
I truly believe, like some of you here agreed that digestive issues are also due to stress. And it's a bummer because I like to eat and now I need to avoid foods that trigger acid reflux.

Rosa Rugosa, I wanna say that you're lucky your parents went NC with you. However, I know any kind of NC (even if it's coming from them) is painful. So, sorry for what happened to you.

I listened to a podcast on narcissism and the lady there said something that in my entire life never thought it would be more appropriate to me and my life: You don't have to do much to recover from this trauma, you don't even have to go to therapy. All you need to do is go no contact. No contact will take care of all your problems.
So, I'm waiting out for NC. It's exhausting living this way, thinking of what they'd do next and how painful will that be for me.

[mary_poppins]

NarcKiddo-it's a bit odd for the heart rate to be elevated when one sleeps and calmer during the day. May I propose the idea that during sleep, your subconscious is active and, as a result it sends you all those unexpressed feelings regarding trauma that you haven't dealt with?
I'm saying this because I used to have full blown panic attacks in my sleep. They were weird. Medication fixed them but I still wake up from nightmares sometimes. The subconscious mind never forgets.

[xredshoesx]

i have to call someone on the phone and then potentially LEAVE MY HOUSE for a really insignificant thing and it's making me sick with anxiety. 

asking for help puts me in that heightened state-  and i am sure this is directly related to my childhood experiences of asking for help and either getting nothing or worse, being called a liar about needing the help....

[easterncappy]

Thank you, all. It feels good to get the validation one needs for symptoms of anxiety. Yeah, I do get heart racing, too but it's rare. Most likely it will be a heart flutter (arrhythmia) which is definitely stress but also coffee consumption.
I truly believe, like some of you here agreed that digestive issues are also due to stress. And it's a bummer because I like to eat and now I need to avoid foods that trigger acid reflux.

Rosa Rugosa, I wanna say that you're lucky your parents went NC with you. However, I know any kind of NC (even if it's coming from them) is painful. So, sorry for what happened to you.

I listened to a podcast on narcissism and the lady there said something that in my entire life never thought it would be more appropriate to me and my life: You don't have to do much to recover from this trauma, you don't even have to go to therapy. All you need to do is go no contact. No contact will take care of all your problems.
So, I'm waiting out for NC. It's exhausting living this way, thinking of what they'd do next and how painful will that be for me.

I disagree with your conclusion about therapy and NC. If you grew up with or spent years around personality disordered people, you are more than likely going to need therapy to be entirely alright. Or at least something comparable, I don't really go to a therapist (I can't find one I like in my area) but I have a support system, people to talk to in real life, guidance from a priest who is very aware of how abusive families work (not everyone's cup of tea but my point is - don't do this alone). I do believe that moving away and limiting contact is a great help. For me, it's been at least half the battle. A lot of my issues have mellowed out, but they're still lingering. If SHTF, I revert to being a carbon copy of my mom. That's not going to go away on it's own. I'm not trying to pressure you into anything, but there's no shame in finding a therapist or counselor of some sort, you don't have to feel like you're supposed to do this on your own. Sorry if I'm overstepping, but were the PD's in your life very anti-therapy? Mine were, they thought mental health and therapy were both a crock of poo and a total scam, and it took me a long time to realize that they were wrong. I didn't have to play tough guy anymore, I could literally just get help.

Also, don't "wait for NC". I too wish my clingy family would back off a little bit, but they probably aren't going to and ultimately, you'll feel a lot better if it's on your own terms. In some people's cases, a lifetime of being rejected and bullied by your own parents means those parents will ultimately reject you by going NC when you're an adult... and that hurts, a lot, especially if your siblings are being treated "normally". Others are smothered by their parents, like me, and our parents insist on spying on us and being uncomfortable close even when we've moved out and started families of our own. It's all disordered behavior and it spans a big, complicated spectrum.

[JustKeepTrying]

Hi Mary - we have interacted a little over the years but I mostly stay in the separated/divorcing area even though I have a NPDsis and NPDbro.  I too have cPTSD and I am just coming to terms with it over the last four years.

I also have fibro and a rare stage iv cancer.  I am older and I was married for more than thirty years to OCPD.  I grew up in a religious household and thought my parents were loving for a majority of my life.  Coming to terms with my childhood abuse and my mothers struggle with depression - while still loving them - has been difficult. They have both been gone for more than ten years.

My oncologist says the cancer was a most likely caused by decades of anxiety and stress.  My nervous never had a chance to reset - about 40 years of walking on eggshells. The chest tightness, fatigue, confusion, brain fog, stomach, sleep - you name it and I have been through it physically.  There are studies now that link fibro to ptsd.  It's a real thing and I don't doubt it.  The book "The Body Keeps Score" is an excellent read.

In fact the ptsd had reached a point that I was having daily seizures and bouts of aphasia.  My ex and children were in the process of putting me in a nursing home (at 53yrs old) when my daughter suggested a second opinion from a neurologist.  Six months of testing and a neuropsychiatrist diagnosed ptsd. 

I am in therapy.  It took years but I found a doc I like. I did meds for years and am now stable and off them.  I did EMDR and the seizures finally stopped.  Since my divorce two years I have undergone two major surgeries and moved apartments - no seizures.  Until three weeks ago. I spent three days with my neurotypical siblings and had a major seizure in a restaurant - fell to the ground and everything.  Even being around my sibs who aren't abusive triggered something massive in me.

I am still struggling with recovering from that experience.  It really took me by surprise.

I have no NC with my NPD sibs and my exOCPDh for three years.

Its been more than three years since I left him and every day I learn something new about myself - something that I accepted as normal that is not - something that I did not stand up to or put up boundaries with - and I struggle daily with getting in touch with my emotions and keeping strong boundaries.

But I am.  Like they say in CODA, progress not perfection.

I hope that you accept all of you.  All the wrongs and rights and ups and downs.  Because you are pretty great.

[NarcKiddo]

NarcKiddo-it's a bit odd for the heart rate to be elevated when one sleeps and calmer during the day. May I propose the idea that during sleep, your subconscious is active and, as a result it sends you all those unexpressed feelings regarding trauma that you haven't dealt with?
I'm saying this because I used to have full blown panic attacks in my sleep. They were weird. Medication fixed them but I still wake up from nightmares sometimes. The subconscious mind never forgets.

I know it's odd. I was really shocked to discover it, actually. My daytime resting HR is quite low because I am pretty fit these days. I think your idea could well be right.

As to your post about the podcast you heard saying people just need to go NC to recover - I'm not so sure I agree with that suggestion. There's a lot of people who post here who are surprised at how difficult they are finding things after NC, even though they thought they'd processed everything. Also I have recently started therapy, which is something I have never had much faith in but thought "what is there to lose?" and have found it remarkably helpful. I have not gone NC and know full well the stress of wondering what the PDs will dish up next - but even in the first 6 weeks therapy has given me some tools and some inner calmness that I wasn't expecting. The therapy I do is online and written and it suits me very well. I am not sure I could cope at this stage with saying certain things out loud or face to face. The therapy platform I use gives the option of telephone or zoom calls which I may take up at some stage. But covid has finally forced therapy onto platforms other than the usual face to face and I, for one, am grateful.

If you are not prepared to initiate NC then that's obviously up to you. But waiting for NC could be like waiting for Godot - these PDs do not willingly give up their supply and in my experience will often stop just short of the very thing you are waiting for them to do to give you that final excuse to go NC.

I hope you can find some inner calm so the physical symptoms reduce. It's horrid to be plagued by these things.

[Rosa Rugosa]

Rosa Rugosa, I wanna say that you're lucky your parents went NC with you. However, I know any kind of NC (even if it's coming from them) is painful. So, sorry for what happened to you.

I listened to a podcast on narcissism and the lady there said something that in my entire life never thought it would be more appropriate to me and my life: You don't have to do much to recover from this trauma, you don't even have to go to therapy. All you need to do is go no contact. No contact will take care of all your problems.
So, I'm waiting out for NC. It's exhausting living this way, thinking of what they'd do next and how painful will that be for me.

Thank you Mary Poppins. I'm trying to feel grateful for the calm, I wish I could stretch it to feeling lucky. It really hurts and is confusing. Sometimes I think it might have been better/felt less bad, if I had made the decision, if I had felt I had a choice in it. I'm not suggesting that's what you should do, just my own reflections on my situation.

I think I agree with NarcKiddo and Cappy about the podcast topic. I haven't had any therapy since they went NC, but I'm in a very safe place in my life. Healthy chosen relationship, healthy supportive home life (excluding the chronic symptoms). I have time to learn and reflect. Time to work on myself. Time to figure out what self care really is. I think if I wasn't in this position, if it happened at a more vulnerable time of my life, I would be in a much worse place mentally and maybe physically. It would have been a lot harder to cope. I plan to look for a therapist when I can afford to give it go. I hope I don't sound patronising, and without listening to the podcast it's unfair of me to criticise it, but I'm wary of quick fixes in all aspects of life.

[1footouttadefog]

Used to get things like this in waves .

A while back I started getting them not as severely but they don't go away either.

I am adjusting my life style accordingly.  Both physical aspacts like diet and exercise, but also adjusting my load of burdens.