I need encouragement

[losingmyself]

I have been a smoker for many years. Like, since I was 15. There are many reasons I would like to quit. Health, money, a stinky house, clothes, etc.  You all know.
Any time I bring up the subject, H is discouraging. I brought it up in a dr appointment, H said that it wouldn't be too hard since I hardly ever smoke. So I didn't even try. This was years ago.  Recently I said that I would like to quit, and H just said "Noooo...." Like I was going to get rid of his favorite slippers, or something.
I think he has the opinion that if I quit, I'll be better than him? Or maybe if I do, then he has to? I don't know.
But I think this would be a thing I can do for myself, by myself. It's going to be difficult, and I'm not going to have any support at home. That's going to make it more difficult.
But, this is MY decision, and I don't need his permission. Sure would be nice to have some support, though. Any time he tried to quit, the kids and I would be so supportive. But it never stuck. So maybe he's thinking that if I quit, it'll be obvious that he failed, and I didn't.
So, this is a step. I'm going to try. Wish me luck. It's weird that I'm nervous about it.

[notrightinthehead]

I found it really hard and I wish you strength and perseverance. I quit and my H went on smoking. Still does. Ultimately it does not matter how many people support you, it comes down to you. Do or don't do, there is no try.

[hhaw]

nrith:

Your choice to quit smoking isn't up to your husband.  It's your choice and yours alone. 

What would you do if he wasn't in the picture?  How would you go about making that choice?  What would you do to get yourself through quitting time?

Maybe make a good plan, on your own, THEN decide if that's what you really want for yourself.

You're right.... it's a filthy habit.  I smoked 2 packs of Marlboro a day for 2 years (in highschool) and my hair and clothes and were super stinky AND the inside of my car was super coated with nicotine and stinky too. 

It was a huge relief to quit, escape the smell AND be able to walk up a steep hill without weezing and wishing for a shady place to rest.

You can do this, nrith.  I'm sure you will if you make up your mind to.

[Amadahy]

Oh, yay! You can do it. I quit cold turkey 27 years ago.  I still sometimes crave one, but I don't give in.  I found for another addiction that hypnosis helped me -- like after one visit -- helped me refrain from said addiction.  Many smokers find success this way, too, if you are so inclined.  In any case, best wishes and we're rooting for you!

[escapingman]

You will NEVER achieve anything with any help from a narc. I always tried different health regimes and uNPDw always did her best to make me fail. When I was going to stop drinking for X days for example, 3 days in she would open a bottle of wine and asked me to share it with her - do I need to say she never drank otherwise? Another time she told me it's manly to drink beer so I should just drink beer and ignore my own health concerns. Do I need to say that now during divorce she us accusing me of being an alcoholic? With food, every time on a diet she tried to force me to share desserts, then getting angry for not sharing it, then getting even angrier if I slipped on my diet and ate something I like as she would refer back to the dessert I never wanted from the start.

You NEVER achieve anything if you need backing, just go ahead and do it. Good luck!

[Boat Babe]

The higher our ACE scores (Adverse Childhood Experiences) the more likely we are to have addiction problems. I know this to my cost.

What everyone has said above is spot on and I would add that if you do a bit of a dive into the link between trauma and addiction you will learn some very valuable stuff. Dr Gabor Mate is my go to guru in all this.

Good luck.

[1footouttadefog]

My guess is he is afraid you will succeed at what he failed to do himself. 

Go for it.  You deserve to succeed and reclaim your health regardless of his feelings. 

And speaking of his feelings he should want you to be the best you can be not hold you back. 

[losingmyself]

You guys are the best! Thank you!
NIRTH said "Do or don't do, there is no try" Thank you for that, and I do and will continue to repeat that to myself.
I live in a small town, so there's not a lot of opportunities for hypnosis, but it interests me. I'm going to keep plugging forward in my quest for better health.
I'm just amazed at H's opinion that we should get in better health, exercise more, eat better, but no, don't quit smoking! Hu?
And, 1foot, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that he can't bear to see me succeed where he failed. Also that means that if I quit, he has to. And he's not willing to try.
Thanks again for the encouragement everyone!   

[Kat54]

I've seen many people try and quit so from personal experience I don't have a lot of advice. But hang in there and you can do this.

Think of your health foremost and all the money you'll save. Maybe every time you would normally buy cigarettes, instead put the money away for something for yourself when you reach a milestone of not smoking.

I think your husband is probably afraid if you can quit and he can't that it's a negative reflection on him. But don't let that stop you.

[JustKeepTrying]

I quit cold turkey 35 years ago.  And there are times still where I smell it and like the smell but also like the fact that nothing in my house smells like smoke.  I was smoking two packs a day.  You can do this!  You will do this!  Talk to yourself as if it is done and breathe in everyday the confidence that one less cigarette brings.  I believe in you!

[losingmyself]

Thanks, everybody!!!
I had an appointment today with my regular care Dr, and told her that I want to quit. We had a nice long discussion about it, without the huffs and grunts from H. It felt very good, and I have a good plan going forward. It was nice to have a conversation IRL about it with someone who was excited for me.
Thanks to you here, I felt comfortable bringing it up!