My Divorce is final - Hip Hip Hooray

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

I've been excited to post that my divorce is final since day 1 that I've been participating on this forum. However, the anticipation was much more exciting than the reality.  I felt a lot of relief when it was over and proud of myself for waking up and taking charge of my life.  We all know how hard it is.

The backlash is that some of that repressed angry is surfacing.  I'm acknowledging it and working on letting go.  Part of me has this fantasy of yelling at my EX and telling him exactly what he did.  But, I won't do it.  The reason why he finally agreed to settle -  was my silence the last month.  And, when we did talked (once) and it got heated, I just hung up.  I do believe that he is working on new "supplies" whoever they are, and maybe he needed the divorce to fully immerse himself in his new game.   

One day after the finalization, his lawyer contacted mine and was already asking for me to give him his money earlier - I have 30 days to give him a big pile of money that he 100% doesn't deserve - the price of freedom.   No surprise, his lawyer gave some ridiculous reason why.  I'll give it to him when I want to - probably day 29. 

This Friday before the long holiday weekend, I felt the weight of the consequences of a 20 year marriage to him - that my isolation caused my world to be so small.  I want more connections to people.  I know it'll come in time.  I'm not lonely but sometimes I'd rather not be alone.  Don't misunderstand this - I'd rather be here than where I was in that marriage - it wasn't a marriage , it was prison.

I have these flashbacks of certain times in our life and I cringe that I didn't see what was in front of me.  I understand why I didn't and I feel less shame now that awhile back, but it creeps (can't think of a better work) me out.   He is such a master manipulator. 

My world has slowly expanded and it will continue to do so.  I know to have fully functional people in my life, I need to be that way as well.  I am so thrilled to begin the next chapter of my life.  To have all the stress of the divorce/court system behind me is wonderful. 

So, my few lasting words of wisdom for today - use the tools (GR, MC, silence), educate yourself, be aware of all of your finances and keep sight of the big picture for the divorce - what's your end game? non-negotiables?  You can't put a price on your life and your freedom - the system is unfair, just try to play it the best you can.

[escapingman]

What a wonderful post to read.

Well done!

[Stillirise]

I'm so happy you're finally free!! It's perfectly ok to take this time to process whatever comes up.  I'm still processing what happened, over a year later, although I no longer find myself dwelling on it.

Best wishes to you in this exciting new chapter of personal freedom and growth!!

[lkdrymom]

The repressed anger will take a while to get past.  I had it for years with my ex. I would think of some random thing he did to me and get so angry that there were no repercussions to his awful treatment of me. I really hope Karma bites him long and hard eventually.

[StartingHealing]

PlantFlowersNotWeeds,

Congrats! 

Wishing you all the best.

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

Unless he gets a new supply, and soon, I'm not sure how long he'll last with the money he has.  He's using the money to look like he's got it all together.  That's what he did when I met him, I was totally fooled.

It won't bother me one bit when he struggles, but it will bother my son.  It's going to happen - maybe in 6 months or 6 years, but he'll crash.

In the divorce, he obtained ownership of a cabin in VT that was my mother's.  The only salvation is that some of my mom's ashes are buried in the back yard - she's definitely going to haunt him.  I'm not a religious person, more spiritual, and I feel like she was helping me this past year.  So, no reason why she won't continue 

[SonofThunder]

What a wonderful post to read.

Well done!

PlantFlowersNotWeeds,

Congrats! 

Wishing you all the best.

[Lauren17]

PlantFlowers, I am so very happy for you!

I'm still awaiting final papers, but I've been forewarned that comes with an opened floodgate of emotions.  All those things you've been holding back to focus on protecting yourself through the divorce process.

Enjoy your freedom. Soak in the peace.