Feeling all alone and hopeless

[ambivalent1]

My mother died a little over a year ago from stomach cancer.  I found out about it at the last minute when my brother told me I had to come visit her because she was going to die that night. 
He never mentioned it before then, even though we had talked.  My sister, who has hated me for years. didn't tell me either.  My mother herself didn't tell me because she was a self centered person.
One would think, given the nature of narcissism, that my mother would have made good use of her illness to get attention from me.  I think this is hard for even children of narcissists to relate to, but she was so devoid of any capacity for personal accountability or action that the best I can figure out is that she sort of expected me to just sort of show up when she needed me.
Also, my mother seemed to be happy depending on and getting attention from  whoever she could at the moment. 
I hate my sister because she is a hateful person.  Still, my mother abandoned her at least a decade before she died because my sister asked that my mother pay attention to her, just like she was supposed to be there for her mother.  She lives halfway across the country and at one point she told my mother that, since she never got a call, she wasn't interested in calling my mother.
This was too much for my mother - making a call every once in awhile.  So she threw my sister aside.  Her 2 grandchildren, who she never even sent a card or a gift, were also dismissed in the bargain.
My brother has autism, he "took care" of my mother for decades.  She didn't need a physical caretaker.  For her last 7 years she was in a nursing home do it wouldn't have been necessary.
Instead she took advantage of his inability to understand he was being used to have him visiting on an almost daily basis.
There were a number of times when he couldn't visit, or even just got annoyed with her.  She was so vicious in these instances towards him that he threatened suicide more than once.
She decided to be cremated.  I do not know where her remains are or if she ever had a service because it would be too painful to ask about these things and find out I wasn't asked to attend.
7 years before she died, my mother left me homeless.  I was living with her and we were served an eviction notice.  She was so masterfully manipulative in her neediness that I let her talk me out of finding my own place.
She ended up in a nursing home she didn't even need because she played victim with Dr's and staff so well.  I literally ended up on the street and am still trying to find stable housing.
So my story is that my parents screwed me over my whole life, made me homeless, destroyed my whole life, and died leaving me to figure out what to do with all that.
BTW, my father's role in things was verbal and physical abuse.  He died from cancer, like my mother, not telling anyone that he decided to leave her destitute financially when he didn't have to.  That's how the eviction happened.
My brother was left homeless too.  He has been in non profit housing for the homeless for years.  He has a very modest place to stay, but doesn't really understand the trauma he's been through.
I have 3 aunts who, each for their own separate, screwed up reasons, have nothing to do with me and didn't even offer condolences when my parents died.
Sometimes I try comfort myself that I am not like the rest of my immediate and extended family because I actually care about others.  It doesn't work though.

[bloomie]

ambivalent1 - the death of a parent is a lot to process. The death of a parent with disordered traits and inexplicable and hurtful ways of relating or not relating to their children brings complex grieving I have found. I am so sorry that you didn't have a mother who knew how to love and nurture you. From what you share, the family system and way of communicating was ineffectual and brought a lot of pain and confusion. So many mixed messages.

I hope that somehow you and your brother can find a way to be a comfort to each other and I wish you peace as you process your mother's life choices and even her choices at her time of death and how those impacted you.