Ndad is dying, has no time for me

[starshine23]

So, My Ndad has cancer.  It's pretty bad.  He won't give me any real details.  I wouldn't have even known he was going to get chemo, except I texted him a question about my water hear, and he said "I can't help with that.  I'm getting radiation."

Before he started his treatments he went on a road trip and visited a Vietnam war memorial and his in laws.  He did not bother to see me or his grandchildren. 

None of us have see him all summer.  His treatments are over now.  I have tried and tried to make plans to see him.  He always reneges.  He's too bust horseback riding with my stepmother.

I am so sad.  He doesn't have much time left.  He's not interested in spending any of it with me or my kids.  It breaks my heart.

[moglow]

I'm sorry, Starshine. We think with even worst case situations they'll reach out like normal people. It's always such a disappointment when there's silence, nothing we can do to reach them. I don't have any wisdom or comfort on this one. I just wish it were different.

[mary_poppins]

I'm in the same situation but mine is not dying. He's in the middle of radiation therapy.
This is a very awkward and delicate situation and I assume yours is like mine-he won't keep you in the loop regarding his condition. I have a hunch that both our fathers try to cover/deny the gravity of their own illness because, if they admitted how bad it is, it would make them seem small and insignificant in your eyes. And I think they always need to be better than us, to one up us.
Mine is like this and it's infuriating.

I hope you can draw some boundaries with this parent and decide what are the best actions you can take that would keep you safe from your PD family. Sending get better cards is a nice way to be there for the sick parent without getting too involved. But you will decide what can you do on your own.

[starshine23]

Thank you both.  SO much.  I really apprecitate it.