Package came in the mail addressed to DS

[Sojourner17]

We got a package in the mail today addressed to our eldest DS whose birthday was last week.  In it was a coloring book with a card with the names of our boys that had birthdays this month.  Inside the envelope was a generic birthday boy card with nothing written in it and a cheque made out to me with instructions on it to be divided between the two.  No personal message from gma and gpa at all.
My middle DS was there when it was opened.  He's 6. He got really quiet and I asked if he was ok.  He looked really sad. 

My other two didn't even notice there was nothing written in the card but were obviously excited about the bday money.  Same amount as last year. 

About 10 minutes later my middle started to cry and said he never gets money on his bday.  I've been racking my brain trying to remember if that is true and I think it quite possibly is partially true...I'd have to go back and check.  I sat with him and held him and we both just cried and cried.  My poor little boy!  Whether it is true or not HE noticed a difference and was hurt. 

And the card... my goodness!  Just cruel.  Like I said, they barely noticed the card... or didn't care about the card but I think it's what hurts the most.   

I should have opened it first.  To not give the bday $ to them now would only hurt them. 

[moglow]

And things like that will stick with them too. My [now adult] nieces and nephews have mentioned all kinds of random things they remember about their grandmother and her apparent lack of interest, haven't seen her in years. She hasn't tried and they haven't bothered.
But to single your boys out in such a way, address to one and no message to them beyond that?? I'd be hard pressed to not destroy future checks, just act like they never happened. Impossible to do with them right there, but still. That has to sting little ones.

[Cat of the Canals]

I'd be hard pressed to not destroy future checks, just act like they never happened. Impossible to do with them right there, but still. That has to sting little ones.

I'd be tempted to do the same. At the very least, I'd be screening any future packages from them. What a mess.

[Sojourner17]

Yes,  we will be screening future packages.  We decided with this one that I will cash it and split it then have them write a thank you card or draw a picture.  Send the card to gma and gpa and call it a day. 

The whole $$ thing has left a pretty bad taste but ds's don't understand that and what is behind it. 

[Liketheducks]

This makes me so sad and angry for you and your kiddos.   What a hateful thing to do!   

[Sojourner17]

It is sad,  and yes, it was pretty hateful.  I oscillate between shock, resignation, grief and anger when I think about it.  I sent the thank you card this past Monday.  I have heard nothing from my parents (other than this package) since i called them and told mom we couldn't come to visit last month.  I know how unpdm treats others when she feels slighted/hurt/angry at them/by them so I know that I have now joined that list of people.   

[Srcyu]

These grandparents, honestly, they don't deserve any access to the children at all. Favouritism over birthday money is typical. Once I began no contact with her all gifts and cards were intercepted. Some gifts were allowed through.
Now and then the children (teens by this point) would beat me to it and find the packages first. Sure enough they were not treated equally. Their bewilderment and slight irritation with the contents came as no surprise to me.

The children deserve better just like we did.