New Here- dealing with aftermath almost 10 years later

[Allthingsheart]

I met my ex at work. I love being in school and knew everything about getting started. My ex pretended to be interested in school in an attempt to get close to me. At first they were charming, fun to be around, but they ended up being a liar and I do not know why I stayed for 7 years. I told my ex my dealbreaker is someone who does drugs. They lied. When we moved in together they lied that they had this problem. A part of me felt like I was too far into deep. They have this way of charming people and getting them on their side. When I tried to leave they started a campaign against me. They started rumors in my profession that was not true and any time I would apply for a job the interviewer who I never met before would say I have heard about you but I am going to choose not to believe it. They didn't work during the entirety of our relationship but for a brief moment when I couldn't find a job because of them they had to work and they made me pay for it. They had extreme anger and would get at me for sometimes no reason at all. They used me for money and I have serious debt because of them. I have been abused by them in all forms. My ex had their friends yell insults at me. When I left I had a mental breakdown and I packed a bag and moved cities while they were at work and left everything behind. I ended up being hospitalized for mental health and eventually was diagnosed with PTSD. My ex left me in a house in the country with no tv, internet, stove, no food, neighbors, or car. I also ended up being diagnosed with schizophrenia and autoimmune disorder. I think the amount of stress I was under sparked these conditions.  They would always be off eating with their family or partying with their friends. My ex isolated me from even my own family and chased away all ny friends. When my mom was on her desth bed I wanted to spend time with her my ex would call me nonstop to bring the car home so they could leave and party. I wish I was there more for my mom. When they didn't work they would use my money to party, cheat, and by gifts for other women. I don't know why I was so afraid to leave. When I left in 2014 and started talking to them again and they were only using me to get money from me. Then I met  friend and they encouraged me to completely cut them off. So I went no contact. I had not heard from my ex in five  years and my ex would not let me have social media. I decided to start a social media page to get in contact with family and my ex found me right away amd said they have been looking for me for years. I blocked them a deleted my social media page. Today even though it has been almost 10 years. I feel anger towards them. I have given up so much. I had to leave my career behind and it has been hard trying to start from the bottom at something new at 40 years old. I have a lot of debt to pay back. I think about how much of my life I wasted.

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome. I am glad you are out of this abusive relationship. It is  hard to pick up the pieces of one's life after so much abuse. You are not alone. At least now your journey of healing has begun.