Anybody change countries as part of the healing process?

[foobarred]

Been thinking of moving overseas, a) for financial reasons and b) for a new start. I'm hoping that a different culture and lifestyle would be more in tune with how I want to live. But I'm hesitating because I know that "wherever you go, there you are," and I can envision my grumpy american butt C-PTSDing over there as well as here. Just in a foreign language.

For those of you who made the move, what was your experience?

[escapingman]

I can definitely see the benefit of not having to run the constant risk of bumping in the STBX or any of her flying monkeys, it is tiring to have to scan car parks to make sure she isn't in the shop I am am about to visit. This is however getting better with time and I am not to worried anymore, but those few times I have bumped in to her I have had a small panic attack. I am planning to possible move to another country or another town when the kids leave for university or whatever they do at 18. But me leaving would not be to escape STBX, but to get a better climate or to a location I would enjoy life more.

On side note, when I left my home town when I was around 20 my life became incredible enjoyable to live and I thrived. I didn't do very well in school before then, but without the daily interactions with my FOO and home environment I suddenly started doing very well and that got me to go to university and get a good degree. My FOO didn't even know what a university was by then and it was never part of my plans until it was. At that time I didn't know or understand about my FOO, but I can see it crystal clear now. 

[Jolie40]

hi foo

my family lived in Canada when I was a kid
if I could move to Canada again, I would in a heartbeat

everyone was so friendly to us!
everyone wanted to be my friend
we all cried when we had to move back to usa

[NarcKiddo]

I have not done that so cannot directly answer your question. (I have lived in lots of different countries and it takes a long time to settle.) I have done plenty of running away, though, and as you rightly point out you cannot run away from yourself. So if a move would be in line with life goals and wishes then that is great, and a new environment could be just the thing to help you towards your goals. But it's not a golden ticket and you still need to keep doing the work on yourself as necessary.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[notrightinthehead]

I have and for me it was exactly the 'there you are' situation. I brought all my c-PTSD to a different place. Still,  living in another culture really widened my horizon, made me much more tolerant and less self-righteous, I learned so much. Didn't regret it once. My own healing began when I seriously worked on myself. My own neurotic behaviour, my past, my present. I don't think you will be spared that wherever you are. So you might as well do it in a place you like.

[foobarred]

On side note, when I left my home town when I was around 20 my life became incredible enjoyable to live and I thrived.

I left home @20, too, but I was still very enmeshed and didn't realize it. I thought I could "put it all behind me", and stuff my emotions into a closet. Boy, that didn't work out.

we all cried when we had to move back to usa

LOL! The equivalent of a 1 star review on Amazon. 

So if a move would be in line with life goals and wishes then that is great, and a new environment could be just the thing to help you towards your goals. But it's not a golden ticket and you still need to keep doing the work on yourself as necessary.

That makes sense, NarcKiddo. Going NC hasn't been a golden ticket, either - just won me more breathing space to work on myself.

I have and for me it was exactly the 'there you are' situation. I brought all my c-PTSD to a different place. Still,  living in another culture really widened my horizon, made me much more tolerant and less self-righteous, I learned so much. Didn't regret it once. My own healing began when I seriously worked on myself... I don't think you will be spared that wherever you are. So you might as well do it in a place you like.

Many thanks for your first-hand experience! Also, love your tag line.

[mary_poppins]

Hi foobarred.

This post caught my attention. I was browsing through this forum at work and thought of answering to you but of course, work is insane and can't do anything I want (except work).
Anyway, I moved to Ireland from my own country in November last year. And yes, the reason was to heal by distancing myself from my entire PD family. Boy, it helped me maybe 80% in my healing process. Why? I don't hear my maternal language anymore, therefore I am not triggered and in a fight or flight symbol. I went LC with family so I barely talk to my parents now. I justify not talking to them by telling them I have long shifts (and it's true) and don't have time for chats.

Another reason it worked for me is the culture. I think changing my culture for a totally different one helped with my emotional flashbacks. People are respectful here and they are obsessed with following rules. There is a lot of history and people appreciate their country with its interesting history. They also have their fun when weather is not nice and try to make the best of it rather than constantly complain and make everyone's life miserable around.

Because everything is foreign to me atm, I don't tend to focus on what my family has done to me and how bad they are. I almost never think of them anymore because my life is now busy with adapting to this new culture, making new connections with people and creating an interesting life for myself. This was my goal for 2022 and I have accomplished it. Was it easy? It was not, it was actually very hard. I had to deal with many toxic people in Ireland, too.

You are correct, wherever you go, there you are. You are going to find the same issues you had in your maternal country here in the new country. Toxic relationships and people who would wanna manipulate you and take advantage of you. But hey, this is not related to ay country-it can happen in your own country as well. So, whether you move abroad or not it doesn't matter cause you need to heal your cptsd and get rid of toxic people anyway. The place you'll be doing that is not that important. What's important is to start the process and don't quit when things get tough.

Anyway, I hope you take my experience as a good sign that you need to move in the direction of your dream. Whatever that dream is, it will surely help you grow.