Genetic conversations and declining health in PD parents

[Liketheducks]

 Am low-ish contact with mom.   Slowly trying to restart a relationship after about 3 years of NC/VLC.    We shared a meal and mostly good conversation today, though I can't shake the feeling that 1. I'm a very different person than before.  And 2.   She really doesn't want that.   She's wanting the status quo - on her best behavior, but the old messages creep in.     I'm patting myself on the back that I didn't engage much.   THough much of the conversation centered on her many health problems, passed down through multiple generations.   ANd that I need to watch out for these various and sundry ailments.   I'm a middle aged triathlete, don't smoke, eat clean.   Doctors love me:).  I'm a poster child for healthy living.   I know that aging just brings physical problems, but I'm trying hard to just keep moving.   Neither of my parents ever really looked after themselves health wise.   I'm grateful that I have the ability to be active.   Both chain smoke and now are dealing with severe heart disease.    Wanted to apologize to the people at the neighboring table when mom started explaining the type and consistencies of her recent "outputs".   And, how that I'm destined for that....because it runs in the family.   
And Dad has had his 3rd stroke in 6 months.   They're no longer married.   It's obvious, they were both the love of each others lives - except for the abuse, addiction, and co-dependency issues.   I'm afraid that he's not going to be around much longer.   I mentioned his situation to a friend at church, who wanted to put him on a prayer list and was very concerned.   "When would I be leaving to visit?", "What type of stroke?"   You know, normal concern.    I likely won't be going to see him.   I've never met my step mother.  I heard about his condition via text on his phone from her.   She's a couple years old than I.   We were classmates in middle school.    I just don't know how to feel about this.    We were totally estranged for 25-ish years, before he made a connection during covid.  I heard what I needed to to tolerate some superficial contact.   And, we've kept it superficially positive for the last few years....only via text or phone call.   I don't really want to see him.   I feel crappy writing that.   But, I don't think I could maintain the distance I need to keep it superficial and positive and not want to swoop in to save everyone because that is what they groomed me to do.   
Trying to keep myself boundaried and safe.....and also be open to safe relationship.   And, also not be heartbroken over the reality of the situation.    When my friend was so concerned....she seemed crystal clear on what I "should" be doing.   And, also what my parents would have urged me to do before I stopped doing all the things.   Makes me a bit sad about the reality of my family.   Am super grateful for my friends and FOC.   

[NarcKiddo]

Tricky waters to navigate, for sure. My father is currently going through tests for what he is told is certainly cancer but we don't yet know how bad. Given his age and the length of time he has had symptoms before going to the doctor, it is not going to be good - so just waiting on what shade of bad we will be dealing with. It is tough to keep boundaries in place in the face of things like this, especially when well-meaning outsiders start expressing their expectations of what we might do. Wishing you strength.