Yesterday was 1 year

[Seven]

Not on here much anymore since both uNm and uBmil are both deceased now.  The thorns in my side are gone.

Yesterday was 1 year since uNmom passed.  At first I felt nothing.  I didn't feel guilty for not mourning her like I did my dad.  But then I felt guilty for not feeling guilty.  Then I just got angry.

What I find interesting though is that usually one of the sibs would post something on the book of faces, but no one did that either.  It's possible that when Bro6's memory pops up when he did her eulogy then he'll re-share it,  it that's not until July when we had her service locally.

Sis4 did post in our group chat this morning that she had a dream about her last night and it was about her (uNmom) throwing a big party (she's known for this), two of her sisters were coming, all us sibs going. sis4 did not see any reference to my dad in her dream.  Sis 4 did say that even though the dream was technically on 6/1, she's counting it as being on 5/31 since that's when she fell asleep.  The only thing that I could validate for her is that "it counts"

I get confused though because there are heart emojis and stuff from other sibs that had such issues with her.  I don't get it why they can't be true to themselves.

It's just amazing to me the vast difference in mourning for me between my dad and her.

[moglow]

Seven, that actually makes sense to me. I still remember part of Daddy's funeral service 25+ years ago, all of us sitting together and my older brother saying that "it won't be this way when *she* goes." All we could do was nod in agreement - the two of them and our relationships with each of them were so very different. Daddy was caring and kind and compassionate in so many ways, and mother just isn't. Never has been.

Where I may comment on the book of faces about Daddy or something he said or did, usually around his birthday and Fathers Day, I don't do any of that for mother. I never mention her at all - I guess I'm going with if you can't say anything nice, just say nothing at all. Someone actually commented a couple years back on a post I made about Daddy, that I never mentioned my "wonderful mother!" Nope, and i'm not going to start now. I didn't respond, just deleted the commend and blocked that person.

I'd venture a guess your situation is similar - there was a very different connection [or lack of same] between you and each of your parents, just as there is between the siblings. There may be a sort of "never speak ill of the dead" in their heart emojis, that they've chosen to put the bad stuff aside as truly serving no purpose. I bet if you dug a little deeper, there's not a lot of good being shared either. It's just more comforting to remember the good stuff after a while, there was probably more than enough bad while she was living.