Interview quote that likely rings true for many of us (regardless of gender)

[Poison Ivy]

From an interview with Kelly McMasters, author of "The Leaving Season":

Question: There are a lot of little things that lead up to a divorce, but what was the moment when you broke in your marriage?

Response: "Break" feels like a snap. For me, it was a wearing down. I remember walking. I had this gorgeous view and this really beautiful bucolic landscape out in front of my house in northeast Pennsylvania. It was where I felt where I got my comfort. I was taking this walk and I got no comfort that day. I lay out on the ground — I [can] still remember the bristly feel of the dry grass.

I remember realizing I might not be able to get up. I was so worn down. What I've heard from a lot of other women, too, is this feeling when you say, I feel like I might die. That sounds like hyperbole, but you're just so ground down... I had to make a choice between surrendering and getting back up.

Instead of a break, it was a resurgence. I wasn't healed, but I was standing up, getting stronger. I remember that moment as understanding that I had a decision to make. I had to either decide to die, not physically — although it did feel like that at the time — rather, it was a psychic death. I was either going to give up completely or get the fuck up.

I think I broke but didn't realize I had broken. Later I allowed myself to break. The first, the initial moment when I knew something was wrong but I hadn't accepted that leaving was the end result, I knew I was just living with so much fear all the time. I knew we needed help. I actually wrote everything down how I felt so I could see it in black and white. Ending the silence is the first step of that break.

[losingmyself]

This does ring true. I don't think it was a 'break' as much as a slow realization that yeah, this could be the rest of my life. And I had to escape, or give up. I have too much to give up, and he can't have it

[Poison Ivy]

Same for me. There was not a break but a wearing down and the realization that my then-husband, at his own admission, was not willing or able to help me.

[escapingman]

Absolutely agree, it was the wearing down...... BUT, for me it was one incident that definitely made my mind clear and then another a few months later that confirmed it. But thanks to Covid I still had to wait for a long time isolating  before finally starting the process.

[square]

Damn. Yeah.
I've certainly had red lines crossed where a break should have happened. But I was worn down and broke bit by bit instead of in any moment.

Getting stronger again now, after having been pretty darn broken.

Who knows what the future holds.

[moglow]

Fwiw, this applies to life with PD parents as well. We've referenced many times as death by a thousand cuts, there's not so much "a break" as shattering that spreads far and wide.

[StartingHealing]

I'd would have to go with the being ground down.  There wasn't a singular point that I can point to and say "That was the moment" it was the unending stream.  It got to a point where cognition was hit or miss at best, and there was something inside that said "fuck it" this is no way to live.  And that's when I called the police.