NPD behaviors from spouse...can you relate too?

[Bluebell80]

I was reading an article written by Shahida Arabi, author of Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare, and these parts really hit home for me so I wanted to share...does anyone else feel this happening? (The article was speaking to how a NPD person may use the 5 love languages in an unhealthy way.)

"Rather than acts of service, narcissists deliberately do you a disservice by abandoning you when you are sick, refusing to help out around the house during times of need, or failing to be thoughtful about your health and comfort."
"They may also use sex as a "reset" button after incidents of abuse, causing you to crave their presence even after they've mistreated you."

"Narcissists can also attempt to coerce you into sexual acts you are not comfortable with. Whereas with healthy partners physical touch as a love language is used with safety, consent and pleasure in mind, narcissists use it as a playground to practice their entitlement, and research indicates they are prone to sexually coercive tactics and victim-blaming beliefs. They may demand sex even when you are not comfortable, especially after you've been traumatized by their abuse."

"Healthy partners use "I love you" as a genuine expression of love and affection. Narcissists use it to control you by using it to love bomb and hook you during the honeymoon stages of the relationship. They also use "I love you" to press the reset button when you are beginning to identify the red flags of the relationship and beginning to detach from them and the trauma bond of the relationship. "I love controlling you" is a more accurate interpretation of this phrase when the narcissist is the one weaponizing it."

"I've never had this problem with anyone else...
When narcissists claim this, it is an attempt to depict their partners as defective for daring to defend themselves. This phrase is used to pathologize the reactions of their partners to abuse and convince their partners that they are the only ones who have reacted to this abuse, further isolating them in the abuse cycle and gaslighting them into believing that the narcissist's behavior was never the problem. When healthy, empathic people say this, they may be genuinely calling out blatant mischaracterizations or issues they are innocent of contributing to. For example, a person who is usually positive and cheerful may say this in response to a narcissist's claim that they are bitter and negative – a clear falsehood and projection."

[Lookin 2 B Free]

This is an interesting idea, Bluebell.  The NPD's  version of the 5 love languages.

Acts of disservice and abandonment.
Words of devaluation  (or love bombing if they need to get you, or get you back).
Bulldozing physical boundaries  (and other types of boundaries, too).
Quality of time together used to keep you off balance, insecure, or feeling forgotten or jealous
Gifts to you of things they know you will never use but they want them for themselves.

This all sounds familiar to me.

[IsleOfSong]

"I've never had this problem with anyone else...

I have to be honest, I've said this to my PD wife when she's criticizing me over some choice I've made. For instance, when my wife has suggested that I'm inconsiderate, I've simply responded, "You're the only person in my life who views me that way," and it's generally true — I am pretty clear on how I'm viewed by the non-PD folks in my life, and "inconsiderate" isn't part of the description. Just my 2 cents... I can relate to many of the other things that Arabi states.