Setting Myself Up For NC

[daisyd0418]

I have decided as of this week to go NC with my bpd mother, however this needs to be a process, as I am still a financially dependent college student. I have an okay relationship with my father, who has other MH issues but not a PD. I would like to keep in touch with him. My mother is sick, and only getting sicker. This whole thing is scary, but I can't take the abuse any longer. Has anyone gradually went NC with their BPD parent? How did it go, what tactics did you use, etc?

[bloomie]

daisyd0418 - I have done a slow fade with a highly reactive, easily triggered, bullying type family member with disordered behaviors. It was not a parent, but a sibling and in my case, even a slight change in the temperature of the relationship was noticed and drama ensued.

What I can say is that their reaction presented an opportunity to learn to navigate the over the top emotional response to what amounted to me adopting medium chill and being unavailable for social visits. Which solidified my disengagement further.

It is a journey and not easy no matter how we need to move a family member out to a lesser level of contact, but I am one who does like the slow fade if at all possible.

Let us know how you are doing. The thing about technology that I really do like is that you can potentially stay in separate contact with your dad to some degree, hopefully.

[xredshoesx]

NC can be a tricky dance, you are wise to start thinking how it can benefit you while still allowing you to have a relationship with your father.

my question is are you comfortable letting your dad know that you need to be NC with your mother?  the advantage i see in that conversation is if he is in the know, he is less likely to be made into a flying monkey to FOG you back into more contact then you are comfortable with right now. 

[mary_poppins]

I am for NC since I have done it once (but relapsed a few years ago) and when I did went NC it was a slow fade. I first did VLC, calling them once a month. Then, one day, they said something terrible to me over the phone and I was done.

But are you comfortable going NC with your mom while still being in touch with your father? Will your father be turned into a flying monkey by your mother who can use him to get to you?
I found that, once you go NC with your parents or one parent, you are forced to go NC with the entire family and their relatives.