Behavior perhaps associated with avoidant or dependent personality disorder

[Poison Ivy]

Hi. I'm sharing this in the spirit of commiseration, not because I'm seeking an "answer."

I talked to my ex-spouse this weekend about a money matter that is a public record (property taxes, specifically the property taxes for the house where he lives and that belongs to him and his siblings). Ex said that he knows the taxes are in arrears and that his reason for not paying isn't lack of money or a desire to push the property into tax foreclosure. Instead, he is afraid to look at the bill and see how much is owed.

Sending positive thoughts to anyone else in this forum who is related to or friends with someone with APD or DPD!

[moglow]

Guess he's not grasping that in many places, properties are actually auctioned off for unpaid taxes. Him being afraid to look isn't likely to be an excuse they'd buy into, and could lose him his home. 

That ostrich has his head firmly in the sand, hasn't he. 

[Catothecat]

I have two friends who seem to have serious APD/DPD and it was only recently I finally understood what was going on with them.  It was hard watching them reduce their lives to such meager levels (both financially and socially) since I knew them from "back when" they weren't like that.  The disorder in both of them progressed, in much the same fashion, although one friend apparently still keeps in touch with some others via FB (including me) or e-mail. She just won't do anything with me anymore.  And the other sees no one, does nothing with anyone, no social media of any type, except for her former roommate and her brother (who both help her financially). 

For a long time I felt bad about abandoning them and not continuing to reach out, but once I realized their disorder is an actual disorder, I stopped feeling so guilty.  I can't help them since their disorder seems to have become something of a co-dependency. 

As for your ex-, Ivy, yeah--what moglow said.  Around here your property will be seized for non-payment of taxes and auctioned off. 

[Poison Ivy]

Thank you for the responses.

I told my ex that the property might be pushed into tax foreclosure but that the county hasn't done so yet.

There are behaviors that I can understand (although I would never engage in them), but this type of behavior continues to astound me even after all the years I've known my ex and witnessed his malfunctioning.

[square]

It is astounding, isn't it?

It seems to be rooted in some fundamental feeling of total incompetence, that one cannot affect the outcome no matter what. Learned helplessness. In that view, you might as well conserve your effort since you will sink either way.

Over on the Cluster A branch, I sense a feeling that the person is not incompetent per se but facing very powerful forces that cannot be overcome (evil, the government, elites). There is a huge frustration and anger over this.

[Poison Ivy]

Thank you, square. As always, I appreciate this forum very much!

[Catothecat]

Square--in my two friends with APD/DPD, the "powerful force" they can't overcome are the voices of their toxic parents living in their heads.