A little back slidden

[Associate of Daniel]

There has been a situation in my life over the last 9 months or so that has been very difficult. It is to do with a community that I am involved in.

Let's just say that the hierarchy of this group has been behaving in similar ways to those of my uNPD exH and his uNPD wife.  It has been a very distressing time and has now culminated in the hierarchy removing its support of the community.  Our resources have been removed and we have been set adrift.

During this time, the skills that I have learned as a result of dealing with my uNPD ex and his uNPD wife over the last 10+ years have been put to good use.  I'm very glad that I have been able to help in this way.  But as a result I have been living in a heightened state for many months.  I can't really describe how I feel.  Not really exhausted.  It's more a state of high alert and vigilance.  I'm sleeping, eating etc ok. I'm fine at work etc.  I'm just having trouble settling down.

I'm disappointed that my body and mind have reacted this way.  But then I'm disappointed and stunned that the hierarchy have behaved in the way that they have.  It's a highly unusual situation and one I never thought I'd be involved in.

I'm wondering how long it will take to get my equilibrium back.  I don't like feeling this way.

AOD

[SonofThunder]

Hi AoD,

Im sorry this has occurred in your community and that you are feeling out of balance.  My wishes for you to once again experience a period of equilibrium. 

I am moderately HSP; Dr Elaine Eron's wonderful teaching on high sensitivity. I enjoy using the term 'high-radar' instead, as the word 'sensitive' can be misconstrued as weakness.

My high-radar causes me to experience more dramatic swings in my equilibrium where lower-radar people seem to have an easier time emotionally than I.  I believe my HSP tendencies are a product of nature and nurture, being raised in a home with PD parent and also married to a PD for many decades.

Being now separated and able to find time and place for mindfulness, I am learning to be gentler on myself and accepting my high-radar as who I am, and that I may vacillate in wider emotional swings than many others.  Thats ok!

Again, so sorry you are experiencing the mind and body reaction to this community turmoil, but congratulations for being mindful in recognizing that your equilibrium is off.  If you are possibly a higher-radar person like me (I consider it both a gift and a curse ☺️), will you possibly consider it not as something to be disappointed in, but rather just a part of the makeup of the wonderful and gifted Associate of Daniel?

SoT