Mom moves in a week, and I am doing everything!

[Healing Finally 2]

Hi all 

I don't know who I'm more mad at; my mother, or my sister and her two grown sons (who all live 10 minutes away.)    

Everyone knows my 91 year old mother is moving a week from tomorrow.  But, due to the fact that my sister refuses to speak to me, apparently it's OK for everyone to assume that I'm doing everything.

My mother went to dinner and a movie with them all last night (I'm never invited of course,) and today she says I should be proud of her because they all are getting together for BBQ and invited her, but she said she was too busy with her moving chores.

I am floored.  I asked her, what's the disconnect?  Why aren't they here helping her?  She said she just didn't know.  I said does my sister think she doesn't have to do anything?  And again she answers, I don't know.

So my mother is 1/2 to blame, as she doesn't insist on getting any help from them.  Rather than say she was too busy with her moving chores, she could have said, I need your help!

Poor dear, she's just so scared of being eliminated from the family, like me, she just can't bear it. 

[bloomie]

Healing Finally 2 - This is hard and very frustrating. I imagine you are spot on in understanding that at 91 your mom is too scared to even ask for help from your sister and her family. That alone is incredibly sad. I am so sorry!

So... that leaves you to help her or to arrange help for her move. Do you have any resources like church community your mom is in or neighbors and friends who are able to pitch in and help you get this done? I have found it incredibly rewarding and empowering to push on and find help from kind people who are able and willing and let those family members who are refusing to lift a finger to help an elderly parent move sit.

You can't change the dynamic it seems and so how can you get the help you need in the coming days?

[Healing Finally 2]

Thank you bloomie! I've got friends who are helping me, today is moving day!   

All is well when it comes to getting everything done, it's just the emotions that I have to deal with.   

So grateful to have found you all and the Out of the Storm website where I can share about the triggered emotions. 

I'm coming to terms now that it's the double whammy with both mom and sister against me