Receiving threats - how to proceed?

[Therivercontinueson]

Hi everyone, I hope you all are well wherever you are.

I have been posting in the No Contact Forum but thought perhaps this question better suits this one, forgive me if not.

I asked my parents to leave me alone about 2 months ago and have blocked them on everything except email, where their messages are routed to spam and screenshotted for backup. Unfortunately since I've stopped speaking with them, they are sending me emails every week. Some are out of field with random anecdotes, others are guilt tripping, and others are money, but last week I received the first threatening one.

This email essentially said that if I don't respond they will fly to my country and find me, because they think I am either addicted to drugs, being beaten by my spouse, or working too hard (eyeroll). They unfortunately know my address, so this has made me feel extremely unsafe.

I've gone to the domestic violence center who said they can help me make a statement to the police so that in case they come to my house in the future it would be on record already, but because they are in another country there is not much they can do legally. Under my country's law, this qualifies as harassment (and if they come here, stalking).

I'm not sure what other options could be legally to protect myself ahead of time, if they do decide to come here. Alternatively, I'm not sure if there's anything that can be done maybe local to their area regarding online harassment?

This feels so overwhelming as just a few days ago I posted about feeling freer, and when that email came that feeling was shattered. I suppose that is their intention as they've lost control over me since I stopped speakng to them, but the subsequent nghtmares, feeling unsafe in my house, and taking off work to go to domestic violence centers and speak to police are taking a massive toll on me in terms of stress.

Does anyone have any advice for cross country harrassment/stalking issues? I've decided to move as well and have an eye on listings, but rents have doubled in my city so it's bad (albeit necessary) timing. Thanks all

[moglow]

My gut says, make sure you have documentation (did you advise them by email maybe?) and go ahead and live your life. You're an adult. They can be as concerned as they want but if you've asked to be left alone, they have decision to make. Having their emails always a good thing, just in case. That doesn't mean for one minute you have to respond.

Maybe they're thinking you'll kowtow to threats, easy enough to go there if we always have. They don't always think we have strength of will to simply not answer the door. They send law enforcement? Okay: I'm fine, occifer, I asked them to leave me alone and you can see where we are with that. LE has seen that before, I guarantee it.

You can do this. Step up for yourself and understand the courage it took to get you this far.

[Cat of the Canals]

It infuriates me every time someone here goes through this. It's such a pathetic way to behave on your parents' part. TAKE A HINT! You've made it clear you don't want to speak with them and DEFINITELY don't want to see them... what do they think they're going to gain?

The answer is nothing. Actually, it's worse than nothing since they're digging themselves in deeper than they already were. 

I don't know if it helps, but I imagine they envision a fantasy version of this in which they march in and watch you wilt in their mere presence. The reality is that they can't DO anything. If they were to go through with it, they would only be proving their own impotence, which I imagine would be quite embarrassing for them.  

[Andeza]

Highly unlikely they'll actually show up, but on the off chance they do... don't open the door. You can always call law enforcement and have your parents escorted off your property. You may have to make a statement to police and potentially have them "trespassed" or some such thing, but there's really nothing your parents can do. You are an adult, in your own home, and they have no power in your home unless you give it to them. Deep breath, you're doing great!

[Call Me Cordelia]

Drugs, violence, or... work?  That's what your silence is down to? Not your explicit statement that they have abused you enough and you won't take it anymore from them, that couldn't possibly be the reason.      Forgive the pun on your username. But that river of denial flows DEEP.

I'm so angry for you. I went through this with my parents, too. They informed me when they were going to come for a holiday visit. We went to see out of town friends. To this day don't know whether they showed up to an empty house or not. I'm thinking not, as they would have left some "message." Received threats of showing up, repeated harassment by mail. They never tried email, curiously enough. We did send a cease and desist letter via certified mail, on a lawyer's recommendation. That did make it stop. We still moved, and that was a very good thing for us.

My MIL also threatened to show up and "make me talk to her." My DH shot back that's exactly the entitlement I can't stand about her, and that she feels she has the right to be so intrusive is exactly what she should talk to her therapist about. I don't know how that went down, of course, but her therapist got fired soon after. 

I don't have any insight about surviving this in a different country. But I would think the odds of taking an international flight only to be escorted off the premises by law enforcement would be extremely low. And if they DID try such a trick, it would be the last time.

I agree with Cat that our trauma and lifelong instilled fear of punishment from our parents really does make this scary for us. We've fought so hard for our boundaries and safety and just to be free of their interference and abuse. And here they are taunting us, "You can't get rid of me!" We and them are used to them being in control, that's how it's always been. And here we are changing the rules. Tearing up the script.

But Cat is so right. They really are pathetic. They can't DO anything about it. Just make some gorilla noises and beat their chests. And yes, they still cling to the fantasy of us wilting. It's the only thing that makes sense for this behavior. Guess they may have to find out the hard way. That would be their choice. But if showing up and throwing a lawn tantrum until the police show up is the worst they can do, you will be okay. And please film it.