Father-in-law died--conflicting feelings

[Mary]

My father-in-law passed away recently. He was a champion (many times unwittingly) of my uNPDh and caused me so much trouble over the past 30 years. My husband would tell lies about me that would be believed and acted on.

For example, years ago both my parents and his helped me put my husband in the hospital after he had threatened suicide. But after a change of heart, my father-in-law talked with the doctor and got my husband released without me knowing it. That made me the bad guy of course, for years and years and years...uNPDh cut off my family after that, and the harsh fallout continues to this day.

In the end, the family told me I was not welcome because they were afraid I would be upsetting to him in his dimentia. I'm not sure what he was mad about this time.

The visitation was so hard in that many, many people had happy memories. There were lots of happy pictures of him with family. But my experiences were of walking on egg shells holiday after holiday around this man. Not all interactions were bad of course--he made an effort to be kind at times.

It's weird to not need to pray for or about him any longer.

It's strange to not need to worry about any more lies he might believe or ways he might influence my husband.

And so many people so very heartbroken that he is gone. Why could I not have known him in that way? It's hard to process.

Mary

[Cascade]

Yes, I think that would be hard to process. I am glad he won't cause you any more stress though.

[notrightinthehead]

I guess they saw another side of him than you did. Must be rather confusing. I am  also happy for you that you won't have to worry about him anymore.

[1footouttadefog]

I know it's been a while since this was posted, however


Each person knew him differently because he presented a different version of himself to them depending on how he valued the narc supply they gave. In those scenarios ots often "blood" relatives who are valued over married in relatives because they feel ownership over them.