A random vent

Associate of Daniel · July 31, 2023, 06:08:29 AM

I'm not sure of which board to put this on, and it's really just a one off random vent so it probably doesn't matter where it ends up.

I am so tired of hearing people telling other single people that there is someone out there for them. Thankfully, when I turned 50 a few years ago, I stopped receiving this "encouragement". I guess people have finally given up on me ever partnering up with someone. I can't tell you how relieved I am to no longer be the recipient of such statements.

No one knows the future except God. It can be very damaging for a single person to hear someone say they will find someone one day. It simply may not happen. We need to be healthy persons who do not rely on others for sufficiency and happiness. That's not to say that people who are contented in their singleness will have no periods of loneliness or fear, or that their desire for a mate will no longer exist.

There is so much on social media that supports this false idea - that everyone has a mate out there somewhere. It's dangerous and I'm sick and tired of it. It's not a sustainable comfort.

I don't know that I'm making much sense. But I've said my piece.

AOD

Boat Babe · July 31, 2023, 06:19:55 AM

Agreed. There's a lot of BS out there: soul mates / twin flames etc etc

I sometimes fwwl tha lack of intimacy and of being special to a person but I fill my life with friends and that is plenty and definitely less stressful.

SonofThunder · July 31, 2023, 08:43:03 AM

Quote from: Boat Babe on July 31, 2023, 06:19:55 AMAgreed. There's a lot of BS out there: soul mates / twin flames etc etc

I sometimes fwwl tha lack of intimacy and of being special to a person but I fill my life with friends and that is plenty and definitely less stressful.

+1

Solo living imo, is marginalized by those who dont understand, nor desire solo living. Similar to how some extroverts believe that introverts are missing out of some part of life. To each his own! I'm learning to be indifferent to those who believe they need to insert their opinions on my liberties.

SoT

PlantFlowersNotWeeds · July 31, 2023, 11:55:08 AM

I hear ya.

I know in my stage of life right now, I seek out relationships that I can feel a connection to. That sounds so basic, but it's important.

I don't need a significant other to feel like I am connected to people. And, I don't think for me that would be very healthy right now. For some many years, I missed out on friendships and deeper connections with my family, so I am making up for lost time right now and really enjoying it.

Breadroll · August 01, 2023, 12:57:46 AM

AOD thanks for this post- this probably echoes for many of us here. " lid for every pot" and so on. The subtle and not so subtle implications that there is something wrong / too fussy etc.
It's wearing and not healthy. The worst one I had was the suggestion that I " go gay" - as if it were a choice! ( cheering you on if this is you, but my brain isn't wired that way)
I say that I wouldn't suit many people, smile.
But I am thinking " what an inconsiderate idiot"😎

Breadroll · August 01, 2023, 01:01:28 AM

And just to exercise my inner demons- I considered saying " well if your nice husband dumps you, you can make that choice yourself".
But I didn't. At least not yet.

escapingman · August 01, 2023, 05:08:38 AM

I have had the suggestion from a few friends, as much as it's well meaning it's annoying. One friend suggested as soon as the divorce was final that all I need now is a new partner. Another suggested my recent weight loss and general looking healthier must be because I am out on the market again.

Frankly, I am not sure I ever want to share my life with someone again. At least not until I fully understand how a healthy relationship works, I really can't allow myself to be enmeshed with someone again. I might change my mind tomorrow, next year or never, I don't know and it's not important right now.

PlantFlowersNotWeeds · August 02, 2023, 01:10:07 PM

I agree escapingman.

I need to be able to enjoy healthy friendships, family connections, work connections, etc... before I can jump into a romantic connection. I need some time to heal and figure out who I am. I certainly don't want to make the same mistake again.

1footouttadefog · August 05, 2023, 02:48:09 PM

I am still married and know people who actually encourage me to engage in an affair. These are people who understand that Ia now a caretaker and guardian of my pdH.

So yes the idea that one must be in a romantic relationship is apretty strong component of our culture.

I am sorry you were disrespected this way in your singleness. It would be one thing if you were bemoaning the jerks you were texting on a dating app or something.

People with partners can be terribly lonely, so indeed it's two separate issues.

I imagine that for me hearing this when I was not actively seeking a partner would make me feel like I was not understood by the people saying it.

StartingHealing · September 19, 2023, 01:22:02 PM

I think that it's a society thing. To many movies, etc. I for one am not going to be looking for another relationship for as long as it takes me to heal up, a person has to be good with themselves first, yea?

yes, it does get annoying at times.

Pinkos · September 19, 2023, 01:48:55 PM

OMG! There's a ton of "content" out there telling single people how miserable and lonely our lives are! I would love to partner up and think I would find that fulfilling in my life. But sadly, I have to accept that it may never happen. As I'm trying to cope with that it would be nice if folks would stop acting like without that my life is doomed. And yes all these encouraging, well-meaning, and even pitying in some cases comments start to grate after a while!