Watched a therapist reactor video today

[wisingup]

Many of you may have seen the original video and the 2 part series of a therapist reacting to it.  The mom had a professional video made for her channel talking about shock and hurt that her 20-something adult daughter has estranged her and her husband.

The mom's video checks all the classic boxes -

• Yes, she wrote me a long letter of explanation but I have no idea what her problems are with me
• I am HURT and BETRAYED and definitely the VICTIM in this scenario
• My daughter is a mean, cold, selfish person but I can't live without her in my life
• If I just pretend like nothing happened and send chatty emails, she'll forget about all this and things will go back to normal
• Etc etc... right out of the estranged parents playbook

The amazing part was listening to the therapist watch the video, then react to it calmly, intelligently, and with great compassion for the daughter. It was tremendously validating.  The therapist tried to imagine how it must have been to grow up with this mother, and how difficult and painful for the daughter to pour her heart out in a letter & have her feelings be dismissed out of hand by her parents. 

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post a link, but I think you would be able to find both the original video and the therapist's reaction fairly easily.  I plan to listen to the therapist's part again tomorrow.

[moglow]

Please provide link - we could use some validation around here right about now.

[Tribe16]

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post a link, but I think you would be able to find both the original video and the therapist's reaction fairly easily.  I plan to listen to the therapist's part again tomorrow.

Yes! Please post the link, we'd love to see this.

[wisingup]

Here it is - savor the validation!  https://youtu.be/G-DS5ofYiUU?si=873Ne3M8eilrl4HE

[NarcKiddo]

Thank you! I am part way through the therapist's part. Wow. She's an understanding therapist.

[sunshine702]

I love that the comments can see through her Narcissistic Cry Bully video and feel it was correct for the daughter to cut off contact. 

[RebelYelll]

Thank for sharing this as it's relevent to my situation at the moment.  Stand out points for me were that

• I'm not responsible for anyone else's feelings
• I engender feelings of shame because I will not perpetuate the fiction of a happy family and am therefore bad
• I have put far more energy into the relationship than the other person

Every day a revelation!

[moglow]

I "like" to read the estranged parents forums now and again. Reaffirms everything we see and talk about here. "Down the rabbit hole" is a good one to look for, uncanny the similarities.

Thankful for y'all today 

[wisingup]

I am thankful for you too Moglow and all the time you spend here responding & supporting the other members.

I'm thankful for this whole community, which has propped me up time and time again during the hard times and helped me to feel less alone.

BTW, the therapist in the video is offering a year-long monthly live course for 2024.  I am going to enroll.  I appreciate her calm, clear approach & maybe I can learn a bit more about calming down & healing myself.

[Liketheducks]

I had to just stop watching.   Loved the therapists validation.   I was just so struck by how the mother took the time (read audacity) to heavily process and edit a YouTube video that was all "poor me".   Ugh!

[moglow]

I watched the mom and was intrigued by the very calm recitation of absolutely nothing. She didn't really elaborate on anything that actually happened, in her mind she'd blanked it poor poor mommy. Went back to watch her other videos and got nothing there either.

The mom's video checks all the classic boxes -

• Yes, she wrote me a long letter of explanation but I have no idea what her problems are with me
• I am HURT and BETRAYED and definitely the VICTIM in this scenario
• My daughter is a mean, cold, selfish person but I can't live without her in my life
• If I just pretend like nothing happened and send chatty emails, she'll forget about all this and things will go back to normal
• Etc etc... right out of the estranged parents playbook

ALLLLLL that!

[Sneezy]

I couldn't make it through the entire video without wanting to scream at the screen.  Yikes, how familiar it all sounds.  I have never written my mom a letter or email.  But I have told her over and over how her nasty remarks and negativism hurt my mental health.  I've told her so many times that I don't sleep at night when she is awful to me.  And she doesn't care.  Just like the mom in the youtube video, my mom ignores whatever I tell her and calls again in a few days acting like nothing happened.  It's mind-blowing to me.  Someone tells you that your behavior is so bad for their mental health that they are losing sleep, and . . . crickets???  Nothing?  Just a few days of peace and quiet (maybe) before acting like the discussion never happened.

[sunshine702]

Trigger warning

I told my Narc mom once I was suicidal ( I was going through an embarrassing and unknown heath crisis) she sat there blinking never mentioned it again and kept sending me clothes.

[frogjumpsout]

OMG, Sunshine, I'm so sorry! What is it with them and sending clothes?? I had the following sequence in my own life:
1) Told NM I was very very depressed
2) She told me to "lighten up" and sat back to enjoy my extreme upset at that comment
3) I got a very ugly patchwork purse in the mail.

[Psuedonym]

I did write the letter, but my UPDM was not technically savvy, so she had to run the smear campaign the old fashioned way: by calling every friend, relative, acquaintance and stranger she met to inform them that she was the best mother in the world and what a selfish, awful, immature person I was....and that they should call me and tell me that.  I'll give credit to this woman that she was way more time efficient in just posting a video blasting her daughter and making sure everybody knew what a big victim she was. Yeah for technology?

Thanks for posting the video. It was so dead on I think she could be talking about a ton of our parents.

[Psuedonym]

Boy I hadn't watched the 2nd video when I previously commented. This is soooooo crazily accurate:

I'd rather than have no contact with you as long as I'm in the right and I'm going to keep trying to guilt trip you to remind you that you are in the wrong and I am in the right.

Yep! As my husband has pointed out, she went to her grave insisting that she was the victim, she was right, and trying to turn everybody against me. This is so healing to watch. Thanks again for posting!!

[moglow]

@Psuedonym same here - I didn't give mine the letter I wrote [I read it to her instead], for just that reason but she flipped afterwards as you describe, calling on God and everybody who'd sit still long enough to listen. She claimed I'd attacked her, the poor widow trying to cope with everything all by herself. She neglected to tell those people that [true to form and history] she attacked me that day! All the sarcastic snarling nastiness came out in force, and she got even worse when I didn't fall apart and beg her forgiveness. Getting the phone calls from various family members -some of whom I'd not heard from in years- was just another slap in the face. I was supposed to take care of her and prop her up, never mind what I might be going through with her.

[moglow]

I'd rather than have no contact with you as long as I'm in the right and I'm going to keep trying to guilt trip you to remind you that you are in the wrong and I am in the right.

...but God forbid I address your actual email and say "listen, let's sit down and talk about this. We deserve that and I'm sorry I've not listened to you in the past."

I guarantee that daughter had tried over and over, been pushed aside, talked down to, ignored, mocked, etc. She probably wrote that letter as last resort. And her mother put her on blast, did everything but give the world her address.

[wisingup]

Hi everyone - here's a new one, in response to a self-described toxic parent who watched the first videos & asked for guidance on repairing the relationship with  her son:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JzHAmm60xuI