Don't want to hear about your pain

[Silentlywaiting]

So I have serious health issues and in June when I had a PET scan it showed  my bone marrow lit up and I had to have an MRI to find out I have two tumors in my spine. The oncologist I used to see said we are just going to wait and watch.
So I'm going to see a special oncologist who is an expert in the rare cancer I have.
My NPDmom has health issues from years of smoking, eating extremely unhealthy, and drug/alcohol abuse when younger. She's had a massive heart attack and then had to have 6 stents put in. She's got circulatory issues because of her diet. She's also has diabetes and now diverticulitis which has flared up. She absolutely refuses to quit smoking and eat healthy, even though I can cook her delicious healthy meals.
So tonight I was talking about a conversation I had with my sister, we were discussing fact I may die from this and the pain sucks.
My nppdmom told me my sister didn't want to hear about it and neither does she. She then tells me when she's in pain she doesn't want to hear about it and even if she's not in pain she doesn't want to hear about it because it's frustrating to her.
I'm absolutely dumbfounded and hurt. I told her the reality is I may die before her. She said we're all going to die, in six years she'll be dead. I told her Mom this isn't like that. I'm going to die sooner than I should.
My sister has been talking to my mom about selling the house and moving into a mil house on my sister's property. My sister has been very upset by the fact my Dad put my step brother and I on the deed to the house as survivor deed. My Dad had originally told my sister he was going to put her name on the house. Then something happened and my Dad got very angry with her right before he passed away. When he was in the hospital before he died he told my mother and I he didn't want either her or my step sister to get a penny. When Mom and I were driving home from the hospital that day I told my Mom that, not including the two of them like Dad said, would be the ultimate hurt. I told my Mom they shouldn't be left out and they should get their share of everything. Instead she gave each of them 10,000 and me $5000. I used the money to leave the good life I had and move down here to help her. I had just found out I had the cancer then, and was in the middle of trying to get treatment set up. When Dad died unexpectedly I came home to help. I'm the black sheep and my sister is the golden child, though she abused both of us.
My sister and I both have dysfunctional coping mechanisms though we recognize them and I know I'm trying to deal with them and help myself become a better person.
I don't know how to deal with this and right now I can't afford therapy on top of the medical issues I'm dealing with.
How do I deal with this? Am I wrong for being angry because she's so insensitive and self centered? Or am I being ridiculous and self centered?

[Poison Ivy]

I don't think you're wrong to feel angry. I do think that the angry feelings might not be the optimal use of your emotional energy right now. Although also not something you should have to do, can you avoid talking to your mom? She sounds toxic.

[Silentlywaiting]

Unfortunately no, we live in the same house.As I said I moved back here to help after my Dad sudden diagnosis and death. She seemed to have changed and we thought things would be different. She didn't change and even tried to bully me when we first got here.
I'm trapped here for now. We can't afford to move, or I would have already.

[notrightinthehead]

Silently waiting, I strongly advise you to study the Toolbox on top of the page. Especially What to do and what not to do. And begin implementing the self protective strategies immediately and consistently. Also, try to find emotional support outside of your home. Find a 12 step group, possibly CoDA, they are free, some of them are online.
Come back to here often. You will find, you are not alone.
I am sorry about your health issues, but that does not mean that you need to put up with emotional abuse. You can still make your life happy and fulfilled, just not with the people who treat you badly.

[Liketheducks]

I'm so sorry to hear about your health issues.   Living with chronic pain is so difficult on its own, but to also lack the most basic support you should be receiving from family in a time like this is next level.   Please take care of yourself.   I got a lot of comfort through the Coda/ACA 12 step program.   

[NarcKiddo]

I'm sorry to hear about your health difficulties. I hope you find effective treatment.

As for your mother, no you are not wrong to feel angry. My mother is a nightmare when it comes to health issues of other people. She either ignores them or engulfs the person, forcing her attentions and stupid advice on them, while proclaiming that her life is ruined either because she is so sad they are ill or she is so overworked caring for them, or both. It's a no-win situation for me and it sounds like it may be for you, too. I think you may need to accept your mother will be no help and no support. You need to look after yourself. I tell my mother as little as possible about myself and particularly my health. It is easier for me because I do not live with her.