My brother took my cat, family blamed me

[lemontree879]

I'd appreciate your thoughts on this situation that happened years ago. My family have never apologised or acknowledged that this deeply hurt me and has always made out that I'm the problem.

As a family we always had cats, and when I was moving out there was one remaining cat in the family home - this cat was closest to me. We had a special bond. I was gutted to leave her, and was torn over taking her with me, but worried she'd be disoriented - she was 16 years old, and I was only moving around the corner so I knew I'd be visiting her, as much as I ached to bring her with me.

This cat was my baby. My parents and siblings knew how close our bond was. My Mum knew how torn I was over whether to move her in with me, after asking if I'd take her as she knew how much I'd want to...

Yet she decided to disregard all of that and offer her to my brother the moment he noticed he had mice in his new flat. Nobody involved me in this decision. Out of the blue, I received a photo message with the words "she's my house-cat now". During her time with him she fell out of a high window and miraculously survived, kept getting fleas, and was left in the flat with random Air BnB guests while my brother and his partner holidayed abroad for a week which was the last straw for me; I found her hiding behind a door in the dark, covered in scabs from flea bites.

This was not the cat I knew. I felt like I was seeing her in the last of her days. I knew she had more life left in her.

I rang my Mum, told her the situation, she urged that she and I to go to the vets, where they ended up giving her steroid injections and everything to help her recover. My Mum then insisted that I take her to my home. "Take her, they'll get another cat, she's yours". However, I was terrified of rocking the boat. I didn't want my brother to think I'd "stolen" her. I'd simply taken my cat out of her best interests. My Mum thought I was overthinking it all. "Take her, she's yours, they'll get over it."

I took her, with nothing but the intent of looking after her while my brother was away, and that I'd speak to my brother when he was back to figure out what to do next. Of course I wanted to keep her. I believed it was the fair thing to do for my cat. But I wanted to be fair to my brother and meet him to talk.

Instead, I got told "I hope you know the damage you've done to our relationship", and he flat-out refused to meet me. And to top it off, my Mum told me she felt sorry for him and his partner and how upset they were over it, and told me "You weren't supposed to keep her."

I felt like I'd lost my mind. I reminded my Mum of the fact my cat needed a steroid injection, and her response was "One of our other cats had one in the past, it's no big deal." She'd completely disregarded everything that had happened, and didn't flinch while I sat in tears next to her on the sofa.

I then decided to not go home for Christmas, and essentially my family has been a mess since then. That was years ago now. There has been issues in my family for a long time, and that was the moment I cracked.

Is it mental that for years I've doubted myself over this situation? Gone back and forth over it all, because my family have messed with my mind for years.

I don't know what 'advice' I need, maybe just some reassurance of this madness?? Or anyone who's been in a similar situation?

(Oh, also, my cat went on to live with me for 5 more years and was incredibly healthy and happy. The End! Just lost my entire family, though...oh well!)

[Invisiblewoman]

I get the whole arbitrary judgement of actions while viewing any rational attempt at discussion as an attack.

I recently went through that with my family when my mother died. They said pretty insensitive things and seemed to lie and try to provoke reactions just to feed into their ego. If I expressed any displeasure at their behaviour, no matter how cautiously and carefully I weighed my words it was a vicious and provocative attack and harassment to them, and they would just attack ad hominem.

Their reaction flew over the top when all I felt I was doing was attempting a conversation.

I understand the frustration when you feel like someone is being selfish or unfair.

[walking on broken glass]

I am so glad you got the cat to live with you and gave her five more years in a loving, safe environment! Your brother clearly neglected the poor cat and then blamed you for looking after her. Why should you consult with them about taking her when they didn't consult with you about removing her from her home? You did nothing wrong. You should be thankful that the cat uncovered the deep dysfunction in the family and saved you from more difficult situations. No regrets whatsoever!

[TimetoHeal]

God bless you for rescuing your poor cat from a horrible situation!  I was almost in tears reading it, as I am a huge cat person.

I think the reason you keep going over it in your mind is both because of the crazy making actions of your family, which were meant to confuse you, as well as the trauma of watching your beloved cat in distress. A double whammy, if you will. But don't doubt your own actions. From my view, you were a hero to that poor animal.

[sunshine702]

Love of an animal and a special bond is OFTEN leveraged / WEAPONIZED by personality disordered people for manipulations.

I am so glad that you trusted your instincts and did what was best for your beloved meow!

It is a way to ABUSE you by proxy imho.  You did nothing wrong - their behavior the taking her in the first place and then the neglect was the problem not you rescuing her from that situation.

This is my True North.  Sounds like it is your's too. Excellent job!!