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[BultToSpill777]

Hello everyone, I am a leukemia patient that if three months fresh out of a divorce from an emotionally and psychologically abusive wife.

In the five years together she tore me down and eroded my self respect. She lied so much it was hard to tell what was fact or fiction with her background. Admittedly I ignored red flags in hopes she would follow through on her promise to utilize therapy to address these toxic behaviors. There is so much to this story I'm not sure I have time to even post it all in one go.
To give you an idea of what I was dealing with while still undergoing intense chemo treatments for the past 15 months, she would say things like " I could handle this cancer better than you". That one took place during one of my panic attacks.

The marriage had issues because f her abuse prior to the cancer and she was already emotionally checking out. I was never allowed to talk about her behavior ( even in a calm way) with her. To her I was always making something out of nothing or misremembering events. Anyway, while I was in induction chemo ( in the hospital for a month having my body Lysoled from the inside with medical poison) she took it upon herself during the last week to tell me that the responsibility of saving the marriage was solely on me going forward and she had nothing left to give. This came on the heals of me setting a boundary with her that is she was going to demean me in any conversation I would not participate.

In any event (I know this seems scattered) my fight with cancer and the medical event that took place during were only further complicated by the constant stress of being reminded verbally that she was checked out and I needed to prove I worth loving.

It got so bad that I had a breakdown at the cancer clinic getting treatment. When I got home from the clinic I explained what happened and her immediate line of questioning was " who was there when this happened and who did you tell?" I then told her every example I could think of about her behavior to which she asked me why I did t bring it up before... I told her you can't talk to someone who won't let you.
She then stated how flooded she felt and said ( for the 7th time) I think we should divorce. I said you're right we should. She then came in the separate bedroom I was in and professed that she was angry. I said " Ok be angry" she then told me to get the ef out as fast as possible. So she kicked me
Out of my own home while chemo sick ( I am in a safe place now)

Since then she has tried to set the table with everyone we mutually know that the divorce came about after several long thoughtful talks. Not many believed that. Sending what looked like an in house business memo to her side of the family.

I'm currently in therapy navigating the last five years of abuse while she is off living life like nothing happened.

[Rebel13]

I'm so sorry you are going through this! I had cancer last year and while my treatment course wasn't anything like what you are experiencing, I know how stressful the illness, treatments, and psychological adjustments are. It's so wrong that your partner wasn't there for you during such a difficult time. I know you're probably not feeling it now, but as long as you are in a safe place, I think you will start to feel better for being away from your wife's toxic behavior. In my experience it's always better to be safe alone than with someone who's abusing you.

My favorite blog about toxic relationships is ChumpLady. She focuses on infidelity but most of her writing, and the extensive comments, could apply to your situation as well! Especially your wife's attempt to stack the deck in her favor with friends and family. That's a classic straight out of the PD playbook. I'm glad you have a therapist and I hope you will check out the other boards here -- especially Separating. A lot of people here have good experience with difficult relationships and will have a lot to share with you.

Take good care of yourself!

[bloomie]

BultToSpill777 - adding another warm welcome to you. I am thankful you are in a safe place and are rebuilding your life and beginning the process of healing in every way. What a terrible ordeal you have been through.

This is a community of fellow travelers who understand and will support you on this journey! We have a community for those who are separating and divorcing found here: https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?board=8.0

As you share and participate in this community and make good use of the resources found at the drop down tabs above and in the book recommends, other online resources recommends, I hope you begin to be empowered and know you are not alone.

Keep sharing and coming back as you are able. Again, welcome. I look forward to supporting you!

[SonofThunder]

BuiltToSpill777,

An additional welcome here. So sorry you are enduring your battle with leukemia and navigating a divorce. You have come to a wonderful group of caring people from all over the globe, here at Out of the FOG.  You are not alone, as we all walk these trails together.

SoT