Being Reminded of How Badly My Family Invalidates and Blames Me

[Invisiblewoman]

When my superintendent treated me badly my family was insistent I had entirety caused the problem and was difficult to such a nice man.

The man literally harassed me and my family accused me of lying about it.

There was a moment during his harassment that he claimed he didn't remember texting me some of the awful names he called me.

In one incident, while I unfortunately was alone with him (while he was setting up an air conditioner in my place) he kept trying to get me to tell him what he said. I refused and told him to check his phone. He asked me if he said anything sexual which was so inappropriate. I just said, "no but you called me a fucking bitch."

I started making friends with people in town and befriended a woman. Today she told me my super also harassed her by sending her unsolicited dick pics, calling her names like bitch, and showing up uninvited at odd hours in the night at her home. My friend never dated him and had no interest in him, but he seemed to act like a literal fucking predator towards her.

My superintendent acted like a massive walking red flag and yet my family screamed at me and then tried to give my address to my abuser because in they're mind they're entitled to punish me and dismiss me over the incident. They wanted me set up for more drama. They then tried to play the incident back on me as if I attacked them unprovoked.

The thing that makes me sad is I never had a family that supported me. They have always used incidents like this to flip it back on me like I am the problem. I dared to tell my aunt I didn't feel secure with this man and she screamed at me that I am a fucking liar.

It just makes me wonder was I really so bad? My instincts weren't wrong about my superintendent but why is it  I was often treated so harshly by family when I am treated badly by someone else.

Makes me wonder why my aunt gave control over to my brother during my mother's death.  I guess in her mind I was painted as the unstable one who  can't be trusted, who lies about abuse. She said people deserve karma and in her mind this is karma I deserved.

Makes me wonder how much she has smeared me with accusations of lying and attention seeking when she herself is doing the exact same thing.

Like she sees me as a liar so everything I come to her with is lies.  Yet she seems to lie about a lot of things. Almost like she's attacking that shadow part of her ego when she sees me.

In the end she accused me of harassment when I said I didn't appreciate her behaviour. It's so disturbing and a bit comical that the moment I disagree with her this becomes an all out attack on her despite how she has treated me.

Makes me sad that I didn't grow up feeling secure and like I can trust my family.  I think some of my family just hid behind my mom's character because she was loud and obnoxious. They're just as toxic but probably only show that to people they deem worthless, but are super nice to people who offer them status.

[Invisiblewoman]

I think ultimately what I am trying to say is they tried to make me feel responsible for things beyond my control and responsible for their disrespect to keep me trapped in the family. If they can trigger a reaction from me to try and "fix" the problem then they can control me. They had absolutely no desire to change their treatment of me. They wanted me to feel stuck in a one down position and wanted to create anxiety so I would try to fix the problem they were deliberately causing.

[Defiantdaughter1]

Your family should have had your back instead of taking the superintendent's side. I'm sorry they're not supportive and didn't believe you.

[Invisiblewoman]

I think I am just angry. I remember having to stay at a hotel because of my superintendent and my family just making it worse. I even considered living out of my car if he continued getting out of control.

[Invisiblewoman]

I think what is a hallmark of emotional abuse is how the abuser will try to convince you that you're the worst person for trusting your instincts when someone treats you badly. They wanted to convince me I was responsible for someone else's actions even though they were under the influence of a substance.