My PD parent uses tactics to stop the NC

[Tigergirl15]

Hey all!

My Mother is my PD parent. I have been NC for about two months after she told my Veteran husband who has PTSD to un-alive himself and started projecting onto my child. I have to say these past two months have been so peaceful and I haven't cried nearly as much. I have been struggling with missing my dad but where he enables her I can't break the NC.

About a week ago, my mother sent me a cryptic email saying she was in the ER with tachycardia. Literally in the subject line it said in the ER with tachycardia then below it, it said thought you should no. Turns out she was just dehydrated and they gave her two IV bags and sent her home. I am getting tired of the games.

What do you you guys do to deal with the anger and frustration of the tactics and games?

Any help is appreciated. Thank you.

[bloomie]

Hi Tigergirl15! Welcome to Out of the FOG and thank you for giving us a bit of background around what you are dealing with in your mom's behaviors and terrible words toward your dear H. 

What do you you guys do to deal with the anger and frustration of the tactics and games?

I learned to lean into the anger. Anger is energizing, anger is a powerful emotion that asks the question what needs to be protected? What needs to be preserved? Anger is also a sign that boundaries have been violated and needs have not been met.

So, anger when befriended, has a lot to say and can help us hold steady when a high conflict, manipulative family member is attempting to breach the moat through any means possible.

Such as exaggerated or vague medical crises or some other bit of chaos manufacture or catastrophizing.

The thing about this community that is unique is that the folks here have experienced just about every kind of overt and covert manipulation there is out there. And there is understanding on a level hard to find elsewhere.

Unless someone has a mother who would behave as you describe your mother behaves and speaks, and believe me I realize this is just the tip of the iceberg, it is difficult to find insights and support that don't do further damage and insist mother's get a free pass for toxic behaviors.

I found that the more I could recognize toxic traits, the more I could process how deep, how wide, how long the damage my own mother had brought into my life, always. I could then decide how much contact I could safely have with her and begin to heal.

I would say, this process you are in is steep right now. Take good care of you. When the frustration rises, give it an outlet that is healthy coping and empowering. Keep coming back here. Ask questions and share as you are able on this journey.

I am so thankful you reached out and as another daughter of a disordered mother, I am so sorry that your mother is not healthy enough to be the mother you so deserve.

[bloomie]

Popping back in to recommend this powerful book from Author Lindsay Gibson, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Emotionally-Immature-Parents/dp/1626251703