Dad is in the hospital

[Rebel13]

And you wonder, is she really that clueless? But if intentional, how can anyone be that rude?? Gosh sakes, these people.

[walking on broken glass]

My dad died. Today is the funeral. We were planning to stay until next Thursday but my sister told me today she is staying this and next week. I don't know what to do. Fly back this Thursday? I feel sorry for my mum but I can't be with sis any longer. And I can't find a good excuse since I work remotely

[moglow]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Walking. 

Do what's best for YOU and your healing. Don't think for one minute you have to stay to hold anyone's hand. Think if what you need in your own grief, and do that. They may call it selfish - is it any less selfish that they demand you hold theirs instead? Given your sister's antics, Is your presence going to help your mother? 

Put the oxygen mask on yourself first, is my point. You can always plan a visit back to see mom.

[walking on broken glass]

Thank you, moglow. It's really nice to have this reminder, that it's ok to think of myself. All I have heard the past few days from relatives and even friends is 'now you have to look after your mum', 'now you have to be with your mum', 'you should stay with your mum for as long as you can'. I mean, of course I care about my mum and I am going to look after my mum! I realize that this is so much harder for her. She lived happily with my dad for about 45 years. They were inseparable. I can't even begin to imagine how she must feel. But I hate when people say such things because it makes me feel I am not doing enough.

We have decided to fly back on Thursday. And when sister leaves I will fly back here to stay for a while, and we will be with my mum for a good portion of the summer. I can't face sis for one more week and there is no point in being here because she monopolizes my mum anyway. And sadly I think my mum likes this.

[Rebel13]

I'm so sorry about your Dad. I'm glad you were able to get outside the pressure enough to make a decision that makes sense for you. It is absolutely OK to get space and distance for yourself, and find ways to support your mom that don't require you to be around your sister. Keep on taking the best care of you that you can!

[walking on broken glass]

Thank you Rebel.
I feel like I didn't have the space to grieve. I am so detached and numb. Everything feels unreal and somehow I manage to function as normal. My friend yesterday said on the phone 'you sound fine!'. I do sound fine. I speak in the same way, I listen to my friends' stories, I comment, I joke even. I haven't cried once. I don't know if it is normal but I am doing my best to keep my head above the water.

[Rebel13]

I have heard other people say things like that. It might just take some time for you to feel all the things. I think feeling numb is pretty normal after a major life event, especially as you are trying to keep yourself safe around your sister.

I'm sure a lot of feelings will come when you are ready for them.