F in relationship with M who has BPD & F can’t seem to break up

[hellokitty2001]

Hi.
I want to start off by saying this forum had helped me a lot in understanding BPD and how to navigate my current relationship.

Currently I have been dating a M with BPD for over a year. I feel like the decision to break up would make sense, but we live together and have a lot of $ tied into our deposit. There has been verbal and financial abuse throughout the time we have been together too.

As time as gone on, I have struggled with our relationship because he reacts negatively to most things I say. Really deep triggers for him end up in extreme name calling & him sayings things like "what is wrong with you" and also things like "why are you always trying to make me the bad guy". The lack of connection and communication is really shown by him not texting me back all day and Something as simple as When I call him on the phone he answers it and the line is silent until I say hi and he responds moments later.

He is rarely ever happy and doesn't even respond to me when I try to have a conversation. I am almost always met with silence or a glare.

During bigger outbursts accompanied by name calling There have been moments when he has thrown things near me when he is upset too which I have made it clear that makes me feel scared and unsafe.

Financially, he owes me money for rent & groceries. He always pays me back a little but hasn't ever paid me back entirely. I know money isn't as important as my mental health but I am not financially ima. Place to be with someone who is constantly in dept to me.

I have stated my boundaries with name calling and the negativity. But nothing has changed. He doesn't believe in therapy and won't go with me or for himself.

My lease with him ends in the middle of January, so 5 months from now.
I am at these point where I am entirely disassociated & have lost a great sense of self. Do I try to get through this and see if things improve and wait the lease out? Or do I break the lease and move on so I can find my spark again.

Any suggestions or feedback is appreciated.

[bloomie]

hellokitty2001 - welcome to Out of the FOG! It sounds like things are seriously hard is this relationship and the fall out to you has been grave. My heart goes out to you as you find the best way forward considering all of the puzzle pieces of shared finances and living space.

No one here can know if you should stay or go, but we can empower you to put your mental and physical well being first. You describe someone who is not willing or able to be a loving, responsible, reasonably reciprocal partner to and with you. Someone who is not doing the work you are doing in the relationship and who is verbally abusive and creates an atmosphere of risk by throwing things near you.

All very concerning and toxic behaviors toward you. I am so very sorry you are being treated so poorly.

I want to offer a few resources as you consider your options:

https://outofthefog.website/emergency
https://www.thehotline.org
https://www.mosaicmethod.com

Before you make any big moves it would be wise to speak with a domestic violence expert and assess your safety with those specifically trained to work through this with you. You could do this with the local resources in you area and also by following the links above.

What we offer here is support and empowerment, resources, and listening ears. We welcome you and look forward to supporting you on this journey to coming Out of the FOG and reaching for healing and wholeness.