College aged kiddo help

[Justme729]

Let me preface to say, I don't think my girl has a true PD. I think she's a girl having a hard time in life.  Maybe I'm wrong.  I need some feedback regardless and this community always "gets it".

My daughter is 18.  She has a complex health condition. She has lived a relatively normal life besides seeing specialist to monitor and 3 very minor outpatient procedures.  Eventually she will need open heart surgery.

She has seen my mom (the PD) at her worst, and best if you can call it that. She has seen all the dysfunction.  She has been there while her dad and I developed careers and finished school. Navigated everything with PD (my mom).

Sophomore year, she had to give up activities she loved due to her health. She's been on a downward spiral since. 

1) She got very depressed, and just couldn't life anymore. We got her into a therapist through the school program (only option due to waitlists).

2) college- she choose an out of state school and expects us to finance her living.  When we say no to something she flips out. She has sent me money requests on zelle. She keeps saying I don't get it because I never actually went on campus lived in dorms for college.

3) uses her health as an excuse-  She refused to get a job through high school using our words against us.  We wanted her to live her dream with sports, as an end was in sight due to health. Therefore she couldn't work. We did everything to encourage her besides fill out the application and interview for her. She has started blaming me for her health condition.

I don't know what to do!  The entitlement is insane!  She sent me a link about how kids "soil the nest" - aka treat their parents like crap as a way of making distance between us to make the separation at college easier. Even in the mist of my dysfunctional family of origin, I never "soiled the nest."  If anything, it was the other way around. My mother left me no choice but to leave because I couldn't tolerate the abuse anymore. I won't lie, I anticipated she'd stay home for college and go somewhere within driving distance. I'm crushed that she just expects us to do it all for her financially.  Hubby puts it back on me, she knows how to manipulate so I feel like crap.  She never messages or speaks to her dad like she does me. It hurts.

[Lookin 2 B Free]

I'm  sorry you're having such a hard time, Justine ... and that your daughter is, too.  It's been a while since my kids were teenagers.  Even at 18 YO I remember they could be pretty awful to be around when they were feeling stressed.  At least that's what I remember.  Especially when health challenges are there at such a young age, which was also the case with one of mine. 

I know there can be positive reasons that we are the ones targeted (as much as we don't want to be), like "You're the safe one" or "You're the one who engages and tries more with her."  That only goes so far in addressing the hurt, though.  Yes, it does hurt.

What is it you would like to see?  What responses to her have you been considering doing so far?  What support do you have?