2 years on

[StartingHealing]

I don't hit the boards as much as I used to.  I still swing by with the hope that those coming along behind me can read a post and have hope for the future.  Hope is a really powerful thing.  I remember that even with not having an idea of how wonderful it would be, I had hope that it would be better.  That hope was fed in a large part by people here.

Next month on my birthday will be two years since the legal process was finalized and I became single again.(I do consider that timing as a great gift I was given)  The end of the month after that will be 3 years of zero contact. 

Have to say that at the time, judas was it some of the hardest things I ever had to do.  Well worth it though.  Even now with the $$ being garnished from my pay, it's still worth it.  There are times that I have the thought of filing some court stuff to see if the $$ could be reduced but then I figure I'll let that dog lie for now.  A few reasons why.  No need to disturb the beast and the longer it goes on the higher the chances that the former spouse will become embroiled in something that will ultimately be beneficial to me.  That's been the pattern for her since I can remember.  Don't think that pattern is going to change now. 

This space, the people here, the information, all helped me so much in getting things in motion to get myself free. I've grieved the might have beens and the fantasy that never was in actuality.  Untangling the threads of memory and of 'stuff' has been an ongoing mission of mine.  I've changed a great deal and along with that I've also changed the accoutrements of my living space. Minimal is good I've found.   

I'm coming back into myself. What do I like?  What works for me? What music, food, books, movies, clothes, climate, friends, stores, hobbies, pictures on the wall, fine spirits, you name it, what does me, myself and I want?  There are times that the realization that it's only myself that I need to consider still hits like it's fresh and I've discovered it for the first time.  The eyes do get a bit misty on those occasions. 


There are still occasions where I will come across a piece of brick-a-brack that got shoved in a box or as I'm going through the digital archive, and memories will spike in a not good way.  I'm still letting stuff go that has any tie into the painful chaos of before. Some goes to a thrift, some gets thrown away, depending. And the thrift isn't one that I shop at. Does provide me a means to compare my current daily experience to the experience of before and for me it totally reinforces that I did take the right action for myself.

To ensure that the data on the digital archive cannot be recovered there is a program that not only erases the file, it also back fills that area taken up by the original file with multiple passes of random created gibberish and then does that cycle again a few times.  Perhaps a touch of overkill on my part because I know what I will be doing to the external drive once it reaches end of life.  Then again it's satisfying throwing data recovery tools at it and nothing but gibberish is found.

To those that are just starting on the path to freedom, it's so fantastic that no amount of words could convey it. There will be parts that will be hard to do.  There are parts that may be really scary. It's worth it.  It is totally and completely worth it.   

Wishing all the brave souls here, all the best.

[escapingman]

Such a great update SH!

I would agree to not wake a sleeping bear, if you can afford it don't get back into fight mode for your own sanity.

I am in the same time frame as you and can really agree life is so much better. I was in a black hole during the divorce and the year(s) leading up to it, but now the grass is green.

[StartingHealing]

Such a great update SH!

I would agree to not wake a sleeping bear, if you can afford it don't get back into fight mode for your own sanity.

I am in the same time frame as you and can really agree life is so much better. I was in a black hole during the divorce and the year(s) leading up to it, but now the grass is green.

Oh mercy escapingman it's so much better than I can even have words for. The peace, the calm, .. No lie, very addictive lol. 

[losingmyself]

What a great update! I'm also a week away from 2 years since the last time I spoke to XH, and I cannot even describe the peace and independence I've experienced. This forum truly sent me on the path of freedom, and I pray that others will take our experiences to heart. It's a tough thing to go through, but so very worth it.
The names I recognize here, such as you and EM, and many more, will always be my heroes, and my friends. Though we'll never meet, you all hold a special place in my heart, and I celebrate with you when I hear good news!

[StartingHealing]

What a great update! I'm also a week away from 2 years since the last time I spoke to XH, and I cannot even describe the peace and independence I've experienced. This forum truly sent me on the path of freedom, and I pray that others will take our experiences to heart. It's a tough thing to go through, but so very worth it.
The names I recognize here, such as you and EM, and many more, will always be my heroes, and my friends. Though we'll never meet, you all hold a special place in my heart, and I celebrate with you when I hear good news!

losingmyself,
It's really really hard to describe just how absolutely fantastic it is.  The contrast of the daily experience now compared to the daily experience then.  You are spot on with the freedom, peace, and independence.  I too hope that others coming along behind take these messages to heart because it is soooooooo wonderful on this side.