Payback for Narcissistic abuse

[JR]

i've been watching some online YOUTUBE videos dealing with narcissism and most, if not all view getting some kind of revenge on narcs as a big no no and not to be done under any circumstances, i really cant get my head around not giving these people some sort of retribution for all the emotional games and mental abuse that has been dealt out to me has made me furious and dream about exposing these people to the outside world and inflicting some sort of consequences instead of the Grey rocking of non engagement with them as they flail away on me with toxic abuse. anybody have this same feelings of intense anger and rumination from toxic narcissistic abuse.

[Rebel13]

Hi JR, my experience has been that the more distance I got from people who abused me, and the more I took responsibility for making my own life the way I wanted it to be, the less angry I became. By now, I'm kind of at what the blogger ChumpLady calls "meh" -- I don't think much about the people in my family who were awful to me, since I rarely if ever see or talk to them. I have a life that I love, that I made myself, with a peaceful home, a loving partner, friends who treat me well, activities I enjoy, coworkers who are interesting and respectful. I hope you can get away from the people who are abusing you and over time create the life you'd like to live instead.

[SonofThunder]

Hi JR,

I prefer to recognize the abuse and instead of allowing it to create actions/reactions of retribution, I focus on my self-protection to design proper boundaries accordingly.  A PD running into the concrete wall of boundaries I designed for myself is their problem. 

They may experience my boundary protection as retribution, but I did not design it for them, therefore my better time and energies are spent on myself, and the PD's opinions of such just fall flat. 

SoT

[SeaBreeze]

In my experience, narcs LOVE reaction. It is their fuel. It helped me to think of it this way -- not reacting equals starving them. And that is the ultimate takedown or revenge.

[NarcKiddo]

 

Not giving a narc supply is the biggest harm you can do them. Any attention is good attention as far as they are concerned, and they can usually twist it to their ends even if you see it as retribution.

If you feel a need to get retribution then by all means have a go - but please do it to make yourself feel better rather than to make them feel worse.

[JLS]

I finally spoke up and told my mother she had narc tendencies, that the behaviour was not acceptable, I had had enough and let her know it.  I did this for myself, not as revenge but maybe as a FU a little.  I did feel better to start with however as she turned it all back on me and played the victim, I did end up feeling some frustration and anger.  So is it worth it, not really because they seem to always turn it around onto other people or just say that the person is unhinged and needs help.  They seem to love those reactions as it plays right into their hands.  I am yet to see them ever go 'oh you got me'.  My mother did then start giving me the silent treatment so perhaps it did get at her but did it really help me, did I heal, the answer is not really. In some ways yes, speaking up for myself was good for me however the healing is mine alone. In the end I had to ask myself, is this who I want to be, do I want to react this way, have I taken her bitterness into my own heart?

The thing is those feelings of anger, rage, resentment, rumination are all natural feelings from being abused. However, they are our feelings. They are ours to heal.  Remember that famous quote "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" this is so true.

The healing needs to be your own.  There is a place you need to find, where you are happy within yourself and the life you have created.  Where the blackness in their hearts cannot touch you.  We spend so long being pulled this way and that way within the game they play.  The exit of that game is to step back, create your own life that you are truly happy within and you no longer get drawn into the chaos of their game.

It is not easy but no healing will come from them.  There will be no accountability, no apology.  I wasted so much time trying to fix something she was never going to or want to fix.  I didn't see it then but I see it now.  There is nothing to gain looking outward toward them, look back within, that's where the healing happens.

[blacksheep7]

Yes, those feelings and emotions «of intense anger and rumination from toxic narcissistic abuse» is part of coming Out of the FOG.

There is no use for payback or revenge which is  only used by Narcissits.   Your self-care, recovery and having a different attitude and relationship with the person/s concerned is enough payback in their eyes. You will be a different person with a different attitude, in the best way possible.

I suggest that you do some inner work to get that inner peace that you need and deserve.

I had Major Anger with widowed covertM who took over overtF ways, caused me to have Ptsd.  I didn't take care of it soon enough which caused me to have great physical illness and was hospitalized.

Take care  

[Call Me Cordelia]

JLS, fantastic post. I could quote the whole thing for truth.

I do quote myself that verse: "Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord." Because I'm human and get angry and still want justice after all. And you know what? I believe in the final judgement, but I'm also getting justice at last in this life too, because I am getting free of the injustice that is inherent in any sort of engagement with my uPD family. Basically anything normal I do in my life is a big Up Yours to "them." Do I think about it all the time? Absolutely not. But I can go to the grocery store, buy food, and NOT have to listen to the third degree about how much money I spent, and how I forgot the ONE thing that was really needed, or... And I've WON! Just by living my life! Mwahahaha!

[Rebel13]

Right, Cordelia? Living well is the best revenge.

[NarcKiddo]

Thank you for having the courage to do the self-reflection afterwards and then for coming back to tell us about it.

[JR]

thanx for all the replies, i will take all of them to heart, this great advice can help turn tide from being abused to free at last
lets do it in 2025 turn the tide against Narcs and all other toxic personalities by out living well them, out making positive advancementing them, out learning them, out maneuvering them, out philosophizing them to a better life

[SonofThunder]

thanx for all the replies, i will take all of them to heart, this great advice can help turn tide from being abused to free at last
lets do it in 2025 turn the tide against Narcs and all other toxic personalities by out living well them, out making positive advancementing them, out learning them, out maneuvering them, out philosophizing them to a better life

JR, I will cheer to your positivity in the new year ahead! 🙌🏼

SoT

[JR]

 
[/quote]

JR, I will cheer to your positivity in the new year ahead! 🙌🏼

SoT
[/quote]
my positivity is growing by reading some Sun Tzu quotes;

Thus we may know that there are five essentials for victory:
1 He will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight.
2 He will win who knows how to handle both superior and inferior forces.
3 He will win whose army is animated by the same spirit throughout all its ranks.
4 He will win who, prepared himself, waits to take the enemy unprepared.
5 He will win who has military capacity and is not interfered with by the sovereign."
― Sun Tzu, The Art of War

[SonofThunder]

JR, I will cheer to your positivity in the new year ahead! 🙌🏼

SoT
[/quote]
my positivity is growing by reading some Sun Tzu quotes;

Thus we may know that there are five essentials for victory:
1 He will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight.
2 He will win who knows how to handle both superior and inferior forces.
3 He will win whose army is animated by the same spirit throughout all its ranks.
4 He will win who, prepared himself, waits to take the enemy unprepared.
5 He will win who has military capacity and is not interfered with by the sovereign."
― Sun Tzu, The Art of War
[/quote]

An excellent book indeed!  Thanks for sharing.

SoT

[JR]

JR, I will cheer to your positivity in the new year ahead! 🙌🏼

SoT

my positivity is growing by reading some Sun Tzu quotes;

Thus we may know that there are five essentials for victory:
1 He will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight.
2 He will win who knows how to handle both superior and inferior forces.
3 He will win whose army is animated by the same spirit throughout all its ranks.
4 He will win who, prepared himself, waits to take the enemy unprepared.
5 He will win who has military capacity and is not interfered with by the sovereign."
― Sun Tzu, The Art of War
[/quote]

An excellent book indeed!  Thanks for sharing.

SoT
[/quote]

"Know thy self, know thy enemy. A thousand battles, a thousand victories."
― Sun Tzu, The Art of War