New here - recent survivor of NPD abuse

[sshru]

Dear all,

I am glad I found this community. I recently discovered the person I loved has NPD. He has been manipulating, devalueing and heavily criticising me. All the while I was trying to make it work, he has been trying to put me down. I put my all in and received only verbalyl demeaning and hurtful statements in return. I am trying to move on but i wake up every day feeling sad and demotivated. it is affecting my job too and at times makes me question life. I know a lot of you went through this too. I dont know how to imagine a happy future. I also doubt myself if he is a narcissist  or not. What if I am the reason it didnt work out ? What if my behaviour is what made him so resentful and angry towards me ?

[xredshoesx]

welcome to the group @sshru

no matter what you are telling yourself right now, or what your former person with NPD is telling you, there is NOTHING you can do to control the outcomes of this situation.  you didn't cause it and you certainly can't cure it. 

NPD people are master manipulators and will gaslight and blame shift until you question yourself and your actions and not them/theirs.  because the abuse is so so so powerful, those words/ actions can often live in our heads long after we leave the relationship, still allowing the NPD/ uNPD person to have some control over us even when their presence is long gone.

getting you back to YOU is a journey, but like all journeys, it starts one step at a time to get Out of the FOG.  when you are ready to share more, we're listening.

[bloomie]

Adding another warm welcome and encouragement that it truly is one step at a time to come into the light and find you again. We are here! Thankful you have joined the community!

[sshru]

Dear @bloomie and @xredshoesx,

Thank you for your kind words. I am trying my best to move on. When i wake up in the mornings, it hits me hard. The future faking and love bombing i was put through, makes me sad. At times, I miss the pwNPD and wishes he would love me like then. It takes me a while to get to even smile and be ok. I hope this phase gets over soon- the self doubting, self loathing phase is really painful.

[Theorphicsoul]

Hey sshru,

I too just recently recovered from a relationship with a narc. Haha, it was not a relationship. He never labelled it. He manipulated me and exploited me. I was such a wreck. And now I have gone NO CONTACT. It's only been 18 days. Blocked him on all platforms. Yet I have dreams of him. Songs remind me of him. And I feel so tempted to talk when I see his missed calls. I too still smile when I remember our first kiss(which was my first kiss ever). But then remember that immediately after he told me not to have too many fairytale explanations. I understand this pain of self loathing. I do it too. Every.day. But I'll get through. So will you. Keep choosing yourself every morning. And choose your peace over the chaotic love you had. Happy to connect anytime. Sending hugs and support ❤️