Today's the long awaited day

[Associate of Daniel]

Today is my Ds's 18th birthday! I am a bundle of mixed emotions and I thought I'd write about it here in the hopes of possibly being a help to others in the same situation.

I actually can't think of any appropriate words to describe how I am feeling.

I guess "relief" is the obvious one, since court orders are finally no longer a thing. But also a sense of uncertainty as to what happens now.  How do we live without them?

Gratitude is another, since God has brought ds and I safely to this point.  Things could have gone so badly:  I could have yielded to the attacks (via abuse) on my mental health, particularly in the early years.  Ds could have succumbed entirely to the manipulations and lies that uNPD exH and his uNPD wife continually used to try to damage the relationship between me and ds.  I am so grateful that our relationship has grown and remained so strong.

Pride, in my boy, that he has risen far above the main three adults in his life and shown such maturity and diplomacy throughout the last 12 years.

Gratitude again that I am no longer as dramatically affected by the antics of the uNPD exH and his uNPD wife.  There is still a way to go but I am rather amazed at how far I have come.

Nostalgic - my little boy is all grown up!  Well, he's reached this milestone, anyway.

Uncertain - of my own future.  Who am I, now that my son has almost grown and flown?  Time to get on with my own life - and that's scary.

Yesterday I was very down as it was confirmed that I was not going to be able to see ds on his birthday.

This morning, I walked into my "office" at work to find my desk covered in balloons, bottles of iced coffee, a box of yummy slices and sparkly lights.  My beautiful colleague had brought it in to celebrate Ds's birthday, and, as she said, to congratulate me on getting him to 18!

I felt considerably validated, even though she doesn't know much of my story.

Whilst I miss my boy and wish I could have seen him today, I also know that it's his life.  He can make his own choices about how he spends his time, with whom and when.  However, he's still learning to navigate and set boundaries, and that will take time and strength.  I suspect we'll have to wait until he's no longer living with his uNPD father and uNPD smother for that to kick in.

Anyway, that's where I'm at.  All the best to those of you who are facing the same situation.

AOD

[verum71]

Very happy for you.  Navigating beyond court orders is new territory- so many unanswered questions.  I don't know about you,  but having gone through this myself for 15 years,  it seemed like having all of my kids post 18 years old was light years away and a heavy load to bear.  My youngest will be hitting this milestone in May.  Best wishes on this new "territory"

[square]

Happy birthday to your DS, and another sort of happy birthday to you, as your new life post-court orders begins.

Your son sounds like a lovely young man, and it must be exciting to see how his future will unfold.

You and I are in different places but both are in a state of transition and uncertainty about how the future will go. I will be looking to see how things unfold for you.

[bloomie]

Associate of Daniel - happy birthday to your DS! Adding congrats to you, too! You've both navigated turbulent waters and your relationship is strong! What an accomplishment!!!!!

[notrightinthehead]

Congratulations! You made it to the finish line. You might esperience the emptiness one feels after a long worked for goal has been reached. What now? Time to get to know yourself better. Your interests. Take your time to figure out who you are without the pressure from your ex.

[SonofThunder]

Associate of Daniel - happy birthday to your DS! Adding congrats to you, too! You've both navigated turbulent waters and your relationship is strong! What an accomplishment!!!!!

  +1

SoT

[Poison Ivy]

Congratulations on reaching this milestone intact! Keep in mind: some things change when a child turns 18, but your son will always be your son and you will always be his mother.

[Associate of Daniel]

Thank-you, everyone for your lovely replies and congratulations.
I'm currently sitting on the couch in my boy's room, while he relaxes in his gaming chair.  The refreshing rain is falling steadily on the roof as a much needed cool change blows gently through the window.  It's the end of a busy and emotional week.  I'm truly blessed.

AOD

[SonofThunder]

Thank-you, everyone for your lovely replies and congratulations.
I'm currently sitting on the couch in my boy's room, while he relaxes in his gaming chair.  The refreshing rain is falling steadily on the roof as a much needed cool change blows gently through the window.  It's the end of a busy and emotional week.  I'm truly blessed.

AOD

Well done AOD! 

SoT