My mom said you’re here to take care of me

[kethartikt0kb00m]

I'm in a rush to take care of business lane My mom comes and she request me AGAIN to connect her phone to her earbuds right? So I do her one better, and tell her I want to show her how it's done because it's takes second to do. It's not that long or hard. For some reason she didn't want to do that. She just wanted me to do it for her so she can go off somewhere and do what she feels like doing without paying attention- then look for her- then give up.

 I don't know where this follow-up statement comes from. She says

 "I want you to help me because that's why you're here to help your parents"

And I got confused I stopped right there. I was like that's not why I'm here and she asked me what I meant by that, and I said I'm here for the reason you here to live my life.

She was trying to play it off and act like she wasn't being serious and doing her little playful laugh while telling me to shut up when I was being honest like she always does to take the steam out the conversation and take away the impact of the situation. But that was a red flag because it showed me that her intentions. It left me so triggered and frustrated I ended up having a full-blown argument with myself alone. She's perfectly fine in the other room.. Don't get me wrong maybe taking care of somebody would be great if that somebody was normal. Respectfully, my mom isn't normal. She's temperamental, childish, Emotionally immature and doesn't respect me at all. She blows me off whenever I try to talk to her about things I care about or I don't like that she does Repeats it anyways.

[bloomie]

She was trying to play it off and act like she wasn't being serious and doing her little playful laugh while telling me to shut up when I was being honest like she always does to take the steam out the conversation and take away the impact of the situation. But that was a red flag because it showed me that her intentions. It left me so triggered and frustrated I ended up having a full-blown argument with myself alone. She's perfectly fine in the other room..

It is tough to find ourselves having a full blown argument with ourselves after being gaslit. I like how you asserted yourself and offered genuine help by showing your mom how to do something for herself instead of relying on others for it. And that you reminded her you are here to live your own life! Well done!

[InvisibleDaughter]

You said the magic 2 words, emotionally immature. Remember when you deal with her, you're reasoning with a child like mentality. Even though we know this, interactions are very painful and triggering.

I have complex-ptsd from it and can go down the rabbit hole quickly. You seeing how she doesn't value "you" will make it easier if you do decide to set boundaries.

You are completely right, we aren't here to take care of our parents.

Sending you a (((hug))) from one wounded bird to another 💜

[Violet25]

I feel like I could have written this, or something very similar.

I thankfully don't have to live with my mom, and I feel a huge weight of shame for often blowing her off about things that she believes I should be doing for her.

I would likely go over there and help her more often if she were sincerely kind and loving, not deliberately manipulative or hurtful, and if she would stop keeping inside pets that she can't properly clean up after.

I help her with her electronics when she comes over to my house, because I feel safer in my own space where I have my own rules.

But yes, my mom also believes that I should be doing basically everything for her, regardless of how she parented me or treats me now, or any problems that she continues to create for herself. It is very much like dealing with a four year old. I feel bad for my mom, but I really can't put myself in that position without causing serious damage to my nervous system.