Has your Narc Parent ever crippled your Social Life?

[MrJones]

I know my narc mother has done that to me growing up. And while I do at least have a few friends and a few social groups, I feel it's still not enough for me, especially when I struggle to fit in a lot of times with both social groups. Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me- other than the fact that I'm aware of my Fearful Avoidant attachment style I'm still trying to heal from. And I also horribly struggle with making good connections with most people. Am I alone in this?

[bloomie]

MrJones - good connections are hard to find. You are most certainly not alone. I am inspired by your self awareness and willingness to work on your attachment style and stay connected despite struggling to feel like you fit in.

[Call Me Cordelia]

That feeling of being on the outside looking in is very familiar to me. Yes, my parents overtly sabotaged my social life in many ways, but even absent that I think that feeling of not belonging is pretty universal amongst survivors of narcissistic abuse.

[Rebel13]

Hi MrJones, you're not alone! I grew up somewhat geographically isolated and my parents had very few social connections. So I didn't learn how to socialize from them. That, coupled with the beliefs they instilled (people won't like you etc.) has made social life a challenge! Try to be kind to yourself about it and do what feels right to you in any given situation.

[MrJones]

Hey thanks so much for your feedback and support, guys! I'm glad I'm not alone in this; and it's just so horrible the we've been isolated by the way our own horrible parents raised us. But you're right, I will definitely be kinder to myself and follow my gut instincts when it comes to reaching out.

[Liketheducks]

We moved around so much, it was hard to make any lasting connections.   I'm inspired by your self awareness and willingness to work on that.   

[MrJones]

Thank you! I still need a lot of work on me, but I'm happy to say I'm at least getting somewhere since knowledge is half the battle.

[JR]

narcs try to drive a wedge between their abuse targets and what they perceive as OUTSIDE
 help in order to keep the victim a perpetual servant to them and keep control over their lives thru lies,gaslighting, blame shifting, smear campaigns that takes you out of your perceived sense of reality into their world of distorted reality, Basically they are trying to isolate you from sane people who in their mind could help you break away from their control of you. this happened in my life growing up in a narc family they will purposely blowup friendships,romantic interests etc. they are trying to shutoff outside(of the family)world help to keep you in control.

[walking on broken glass]

My sister tried to sabotage all my friendships (she picked a fight or fights with almost every single one of my friends when I was younger) and she was very antagonistic with all my boyfriends and badmouthed them to my parents 🙄
My parents were themselves socially maladjusted and even though they did not actively sabotage my friendships, they did not like the fact that I had close friends in whom I confided. They always said 'you only care about your friends and not your family'.

[JLS]

Yes, I found out I am also Fearful Avoidant attachment which made a lot of sense as it is desperately wanting connection but at the same time running away from it due to the fear of the connection. Thanks Mum and Dad.

My mother has gotten upset when she has found out I am socially engaging with people. I have never understood how a mother would be upset at her daughter having friends but yeh.  I'm not sure what that is about, control, jealousy, it goes against the version of me she has painted in her mind, who knows.

Truth is I don't have many friends groups which I now recognise as probably relating to my attachment style.  There is nothing wrong with you. Growing up in this dysfunction I have often read how people feel that something is inherently wrong with them.  This is just the messaging you were given. Its not true. It needs to be unravelled.  Its hard.

[mary_poppins]

YES. The friends I had from childhood-she was in touch with them and had to have control of all the information regarding those relationships. I'm not in touch with those friends anymore (they weren't good for me) so she can't do anything about it. Have learned not to disclose any new friends I make to PD mom or, God forbid, a romantic relationship.

And yes, I struggle to make friends. All my friends now are online since they live abroad. There is an underlying fear that if I get close to someone to create a friendship, there's a 'present' expecting me underneath the facade of 'niceness'. Unfortunately, I've met a few people who are not what they seem in real life and that put me off. It's a c-PTSD symptom because, I am sure not many people live with this fear day in and day out.

[xredshoesx]

my real mother thought it would be a good idea to brag on my incarceration as a teen to the parent of the boy I LOVED and his mother FORBID him to hang out with me EVER EVER AGAIN.  the joke was on his mom bc dude has like 5 kids now with all his other lil girlfriends he had after me. . .  and we did try to 'hang out' again when we were like 20 but it wasn't meant to be.....