I did it.

[Liketheducks]

I managed to pull off a holiday gathering with my family with minimal drama. It was important to me, because my youngest brother's widow and daughters were coming to escape the memories at home.   My youngest brother took his life two days before Christmas last year.

  And also, I'm exhausted.  Mom was mostly on goodish behavior, at least with me.  At the moment, I'm not her villain, but surviving brother and wife are.  But, the vitriol took its toll.   I'm grateful that my grieving nieces were able to make some happier memories....and ready for a bit of a family time diet.

[TimetoHeal]

Congratulations!  That is no small feat!  You should be really proud of yourself.

Now, today, you put your feet up, rest, and do what YOU feel like doing! 

[SonofThunder]

Congratulations!  That is no small feat!  You should be really proud of yourself.

Now, today, you put your feet up, rest, and do what YOU feel like doing! 

+1

SoT

[walking on broken glass]

Well done, like the ducks! I hope you can get some time off just for yourself now, decompress and relax.
xx

[Rebel13]

Congratulations, both for achieving this, and for the warmth of heart that made you want to do it in the first place. 

[treesgrowslowly]

Hi Liketheducks,

Bravo bravo bravo to you!! This is no small feat!! I've come to realize that when little ones were involved, I was highly motivated to do things to provide them with memories, amidst the chaos of the stressed family system. So happy to hear that you were able to give them this time during the holiday.

Hope you are enjoying some rest, or restful activities now!

Trees

[Sneezy]

Good for you!  A holiday with minimal drama is an accomplishment!!!  And it was very sweet of you to provide a respite for your brother's widow and daughters.  I'm sure they really needed it.  Happy Holidays and best wishes for the New Year!

[Liketheducks]

Still unpacking a lot of it.  And honestly, I know this is the "week of bread and cheese" but, I'm emotionally done in.   PD mom and I were alone prepping for a long time...and, since right now I'm not the villain...trashed everyone else with me.  Accusing another relative of prostitution.   There was a lot of pressing me when I didn't do exactly what was expected of me.  Still didn't do it.  But, it has taken me to 4-5 days later to recognize....oh yeah...that was that what was.  And, I know, when I fall out of favor...she's gonna trash me to the others in our drama triangle. 

[TimetoHeal]

LiketheDucks,

I know exactly what you mean about processing what happened several days later!  That happens so much when I interact with my PD mom!  I guess we are just in survival mode when we are around them, our brains can't really process it at the time.  Then, as the days go on, you are able to process and analyze all that went on.  Good for you in taking the time to do this!  I think it's important and a sign of growth.  Also, good for you for not giving in to her demands or joining in on trashing others.  My mom does this too.  Trashes whoever she is not with to whoever she is with.  Put up your shield and change the subject!   

Hope you get to keep resting and recuperating this week!

[Liketheducks]

TimetoHeal....you are so right.   In the moment, I'm just trying to survive without setting off the nuclear bomb.   It has been almost a week later and I'm shaking my head at some of the outrageous things she said.  It makes me sad for her.   It is also clear that she's burning through family relationships.   There are new and more distant members for supply.  If someone wants to talk trash with you, they'll usually talk trash about you when they can.   That does nothing for a familial relationship.  It does nothing for trust.   It shouldn't surprise me anymore, but still does.   

[blacksheep7]

Good for you Liketheducks

I'm so sorry for your brother's loss! It's still fresh which makes the holidays even harder

 If someone wants to talk trash with you, they'll usually talk trash about you when they can.   

Yes indeed, my mother bad-mouthed all of us siblings against and to each other.