Will a judge see this as petty sibling rivalry?

[RiverPurl]

I had an arguement with my sister about 10 years ago and that resulted in a response that was out of this world from her.  I never intended for any of that arguement to happen. It just did.  In the after of that she wanted to cut contact and according to her - 'youre dead to me'. I accepted it.

I had about 9 years of harassment from this person.  She just won't leave me alone. I accept my own part in this but that's it.  She wants my neck on a chopping block, literally. 

I haven't seen her or spent any physical time with her since 2016. But her focus is still on me and her hate is as fresh today as it was 10 years ago.

There's been an interrogations, revenges, cross examinations against me for years.  I am not responding to her because there's nothing fore to say and I refuse to get into a circle match. 

I am strongly considering court action against her harassment.  Not to punish her but for my own peace and sanity. Just leave me alone.  Our connection is broken and has been for a long time and I can't fix it.  A lot of what she does is also control. 

This person would argue and fight with a paper bag of could.

I am considering a court order for a restraining order to stop her from communicating with me and about me.

Would a judge only see this as petty sibling rivalry?

[moglow]

Honestly I wouldn't think that comes into play (the sibling rivalry part). I think protective/harassment orders are more likely granted where there's either been or threats of physical harm have been made. Unless/until that happens I would guess their hands are tied as much as yours are. They'd likely suggest the route of blocking her, reporting any/all that comes from her as spam or harassment, just shutting her down at every possible avenue which I'm sure you've already done a lot of. One of the hazards of the electronic age is, there's always another route to take if we/they look long enough. More surprises. 🙃

The worst part is the sure knowledge that nothing will fill her, or ever really be enough. With my mother I'd think I managed to lay one thing to rest, she'd concoct three others I never considered. Dredged ancient history and/or made it up when all else failed. she'll still bust out with something new from time to time but I found enough mental distance that it's not as painful as it used to be.

All that said, I'd probably give it a try. She may not care but it matters to YOU and that's the important thing.

[JR]

i would have my doubts that a judge if was told that i want a restraining order against someone whom i thought was a toxic narcissist, they would question about how you became a Dr. Phil psychiatrist to where you could diagnosis narcissism. but on the other hand if they are blatantly harassing you and have good evidence and maybe witnesses there should be something done. i think a lot of people associate narcissism with someone who stands in front of a mirror and self aggrandizing themselves all day not what truly are with toxic behaviors, and blowing up others lives and peace.

[bloomie]

RiverPurl - how awful! The waiting for the next attempted intrusion into your life has to take a toll on you.

I can't know how far your sibling has gone with this harassment into documented threats of harm - and I am not asking - but, the documented, provable extent of their behaviors would seem to be a pressing part of your considering taking legal action.

Could you speak with an attorney and get a probable on if this is even an option and at the same time get some input on what your options are?

You going on with your life and being well, pursuing healing and growth and ignoring your sibling's provocations is wise and takes a great deal of fortitude and strength. Keeping your distance from someone who is still triggered to this level of hatred toward you 10 years later makes all the sense in the world to me. Being really tired of the vitriol also makes all of the sense in the world to me. I am really sorry you are facing this and glad you shared! 

[RiverPurl]

RiverPurl - how awful! The waiting for the next attempted intrusion into your life has to take a toll on you.

I can't know how far your sibling has gone with this harassment into documented threats of harm - and I am not asking - but, the documented, provable extent of their behaviors would seem to be a pressing part of your considering taking legal action.

Could you speak with an attorney and get a probable on if this is even an option and at the same time get some input on what your options are?

You going on with your life and being well, pursuing healing and growth and ignoring your sibling's provocations is wise and takes a great deal of fortitude and strength. Keeping your distance from someone who is still triggered to this level of hatred toward you 10 years later makes all the sense in the world to me. Being really tired of the vitriol also makes all of the sense in the world to me. I am really sorry you are facing this and glad you shared! 

The harassment from her has been electronic.  It used to me messages but I changed my number a few times.  Then it used to be years of fake accounts to send messages on the messagagner.  Facebook must of came down on top of that or maybe she ran out from signing up with different emails addresses.  Over the past two years it's been email.


It's psychological abuse.  It's insults and demands to obey her and focus on the past.   
There has been no physical violence from her.  There's no threats of physical violence from her.

A lot of her communication, it always contains demands to obey her and obey her narrative and explain to her and apologise.  I always felt with the tone that there were unwritten threats from her.

Often her communications has been a precursor to revenges and shaming with my employer being her favourite route.

Before now, for years there was a level of insanity from her.

I have a lot of the communications saved and documented but not documented formally.

When I went to the police they said without violence it's a civil matter. Civil law fell short in my home country for years but it's just after changing to include harassment in civil law and to allow people to seek an order from the court.

Yes, I can make an appointment with an attorney to chat about my options.

The last time I replied to her was in the spring of 2023 and that was to forward her emails to the cop station and ask her to leave me alone and stop contacting me. It only just angered her more.

I also think a lot from her is coercion control. She doesn't want a relationship with me and she hates me but she wants to control me to serve or feelings and she doesn't want me to forget her.  I don't know.

All of it from her is 100% blame and she doesn't want to mend anything.  Just throw blame and drama at me.

[RiverPurl]

This time of year is always triggering for her.  We haven't seen each other or spent any physical time together in 8 years but her focus is still on me.  If I did something horrific to her you would be able to understand this but her own personality has made sure that she will never ever give up on an arguement I had with her. When it came to me trying to apologise to her she was obtuse.  So she has all this blame for me over and over and over and over again but she won't reflect and look at herself. 

So we haven't seen each other in 8 years but her hate and focus is still on me.

She's similar to all of us in the family and she alienated herself from the family.  This time of year is triggering for her.  She buys into all of the Christmas adverts and Christmas being for happy families and she won't enjoy Christmas and she will make sure nobody else will be either.   As soon as Halloween ends she's going to be lashing out and she won't burn herself out until January.  And it's all pscyological abuse by electronic means.

[RiverPurl]

She made threats to me in my email in recent months of herself taking civil ligitation against me. She's claiming that I am calling her and harassing her and I am not.  That's likely the most damaging part from her.  In that she could go down that route.  Even though I am not contacting her.

[RiverPurl]

Making an appointment with an attorney and showing them what I have, it's going to me a mess. Where do I even start.

[bloomie]

Making an appointment with an attorney and showing them what I have, it's going to me a mess. Where do I even start.

You have already started! You have shared here for support and insights and you are going to confer with experts that can advise you as to the wisest action legally. That's a lot!!

I can sense the pain this has all brought and the possible anxiety heading into the holidays.

One step at a time! You will know the right way to go with this in due time!

[Peace Lily]

No River Purl, I don't think so. This is more akin to stalking behaviour than pure rivalry. In fact it does not sound at all like rivalry to me. Rivalry would imply some kind of competition, but you are not engaging with your sister, you are not competing. When you block her in one channel, she tracks you down and harasses you in another. She may not be physically turing in up at you doorstep, but the effect must be similar. I know what it is like to be triggered just by a simple email, and have anxiety about even opening your inbox.
I think an attorney will be able to advise you in how best to proceed and what the likely outcomes might be / if you have a good chance of success. I have had dealings with a solicitor over another non family issue, and I found that it was amazingly validating to have a solicitor confirm that the actions of another person were against the law and she gave me options of how I could proceed. There was always the option, of course, not to proceed. So consulting someone is just finding out, deciding to take action is the bigger decision. Your sister, will not like it, but if you successfully achieve a restraining order against her, she will not be able to do anything about it.
I wish you well, it sounds pretty horrendous to me, and I am not surprised you want to bring this to an end so you can live your own life to the full. Take care and good luck.

[Defiantdaughter1]

An elderly judge would probably see it as sibling rivalry, but a young judge wouldn't. Sometimes your attorney can select the judge.

[aniaqueen232]

If you go to court, focus on the harassment, not labels like "narcissist." Judges care about actions, not personal opinions. If you have clear evidence and witnesses of harassment, they'll take it seriously. Keep it simple and stick to the facts.