Travel with ocpd

[Prototypian]

I know it's just the driven anxiety of what if.   I'm traveling today with my uOCPdw and it's a flight, rental car and hotel.   The plan has been in place for more than a month to go see one of our kids at college because the kid has a Monday holiday and goes to school in a place with winter sports that I enjoy.   My spouse doesn't have to come but fear of missing out is as big as any other fear.

In the OCPD behavior world nothing looms as big as travel.   Oddly enough there is no fear at all of missing a plane.  I've started to think that missing a plane provides a kind of relief since the plane and airports and travel take control out of her hands and there is huge potential to not know all the rules.   

When we travel she shifts into this micron management role first with the weather.   A forecast isn't enough.  She follows every weather alert and every single forecast discussion within the message boards at the national weather service for hours a day watching for any potential wind advisory, storm warning or percent chance move in the weather.  It goes in for hours not just a little while before bed but often until two or three in the morning then first thing the next day.  And there will be this sob of "oh no!"   And when you finally ask what's wrong it will be that a percent chance of rain has increased from 15-20 percent.

This leads to absolutely no packing.   Last year to her extreme annoyance I bought my own luggage.  And I pack my own things.  She is constantly worried bout airlines losing luggage and all the rules.  She has taken out tape measures to review my luggage size against airline carry on rules.  I bought Apple air tags for my bags and briefcase etc because of work and she has a huge concern that they might not be allowed by airlines because of battery rules and is constantly checking with manufacturers on my laptop which I've traveled with for business thousands of times.

I'm posting right now because she is on her computer monitoring weather forecasts and we have two hours until the flight and she has packed nothing. 


The odd thing is she has no fear at all of life and limb from flying.  Her huge fear with flying is the rules for airports.   She wants to follow every single rule for every single contingency for every possible item and be certain that she and anyone she is traveling with are followign all rules.  I have two laptops for work; one developer laptop and one tablet and I often carry both.   She can't find any rules specifically about carrying more than one laptop and once refused to leave the house because I was bringing both.  Her anger and fear and frustration were that I might not be following a rule she could not confirm. 

I bought lift tickets for myself for skiing online.   She thinks this is a very bad idea and is angry because "I don't know all the dependencies on what the rules are for age, ski level, where to pick up the physical lift ticket once I get to the resort."

The problems she is having aren't about anxiety of actual problems for her or safety or anything else.   They are primarily that I might not follow the rules or that I might not bother to learn all of them. 

That's a cardinal sin in her mind.  When you get somewhere like a national park or ski resort, you should read every single rule and ask the park ranger or someone who is an expert for verification for every question.   She is absolutely angry that I would show up, snap on skis and head up a mountain to be first on the snow without knowing every detail of every trail every rule and every point.   She has at one point refused to slow the car down to drop me and the kids off because of concerns about things like this, opting to drive back down to the parking lot and have us ride up with the bus.

Here is the bizarre thing!! SHE DOESNT SKI!  Her fears and violent anger are that i might not follow all the rules.  At airports, at hotels, at ski places and in travel in general.  But I have shown no signs ever in my life of nefarious or deliberate rule breaking.   After thousands of trips I have a general sense of the line to stumble through at the airport and take my shoes off or not depending on the TSA mood.   I assume the airlines and TSA have thought through most things including a laptop and tablet and air tags on luggage and would be deliberate about letting the public know if there was a major change.   And I assume that most ski resorts have general lift ticket lines and reasonably marked blue and black and green and other runs with maps and some general conduct rules.   

But if someone in traveling with doesn't follow a rule I also assume it's their problem.   I'm sure hundreds of people forget keys in a pocket at metal detectors or whatever.  She is violently angry that someone might not have read all those rules or considered one of them unimportant enough to be forgotten.

I'm trying to decide whether to drive off and let her catch the uber that has been set up for 20 min from now but I know the anger with this would last for months.

[square]

Hugs.

[Juju]

I've been with my guy for 7 years and he will not travel at all.  Frustrating but I've learned to live with it and not let it bother me.  We broke up for a a year because he wouldn't even to go to another town in our city.  He is so phobic and anxiety ridden about any kind of travel.  Thank god I have my own money and can travel (if I can find a partner) if I want to.  He knows I won't stay with him if he fusses about it. It is hard to not share your life and travel with the one you love but there is no alternative because I'm 68 and can't handle looking for someone new and this man that I am with is a good and honest man and I am afraid that someone else would just not fit the bill.  I would suggest if you are young go for it change your life look for someone more suitable but at my age .... I don't have the energy to do so ...