mind games of the narcissists

[JR]

ever notice that narcissists always try to be contradictory to the extreme level with every ones wishes on purpose in order to get a rise out of you or just to start some level of drama when they get backed up with toxicity and need to drop it some on others. case in point with me, im a primary caregiver to an elderly mother(narcissist/stroke victim) and have a brother who is the golden child and extremely toxic and narcissist also who likes to stir up the sh*t whenever he can knowingly or unknowingly. so its winter and very cold here and our property backs up to a woods where the deer come and look for food i was giving them some corn over the years to help them thru winter(probably not a good idea) since now the herd congregates in the back yard and possibly could move out into the front and into the neighborhood and street not too cool, and also a couple of the younger deer now look to humans as a food source and 2 have ended up dead one had a disease and died in my front yard and another was killed after tangling up his rear legs in some fencing and couldnt get out and also died a terrible way, so i decided not to feed the deer anymore because it cause more problems than good IMO, but wouldnt ya know the narc brother decided he didnt like my idea and brought in the house a big bag of corn feed in the houses living room and left it so i could see it (of course) like a calling card saying F-you i'll feed the deer if i choose too against your wishes. heres the rub, im sure he wants to start a fight and im trying a no contact,greyrock as best i can(not my house) these people have no sense of others wishes and want to stir the pot as much as possible without consequences, its infuriating. i know this is all by design in order for him to flex his entitlement attitude to start trouble, probably cause my no contact/greyrocking strategy may be working, so they try to ramp up the abuse in order to rage.

[Lookin 2 B Free]

So sorry your post got missed earlier, JR.  For some reason I never saw it.

Yes, I find the behaviors of uNPD infuriating at times for the reasons you state.  I'm sorry you ended up with the dead deer after your good intentions.  That sounds kind of traumatic in itself without anyone adding to the stress of it.   

I guess they call it "extinction bursts" when someone is no longer getting what they want as a result of their behavior and before they finally give it up (as long as you don't relent), they first try increasing the behavior.  I believe lab animals do it, too.  Keep up the good work using the tools!

[Cascade]

My spouse has narcissistic traits and he feels the need to create drama and conflict, lately with the people he works with, but sometimes with me as well. I love animals so I can relate to wanting to help them through the winter. It must have been difficult to see how that turned out. It could be that your brother won't even feed the deer, and it's just a message to you, like you said.

[Call Me Cordelia]

Yeah I think your interpretation is very likely right; he's trying to start drama in a passive-aggressive way. I also read it as asserting dominance over you. He probably doesn't care about the deer one way or another, but the fact that you have an opinion and some emotional investment here, well, that's just capital! THAT can be used against you! And since you've gone grey rock, emotional hooks like that are harder to come by. That your brother would stoop to such tricks means you're getting to HIM. Not so much the other way round.

I do have to laugh though because my parents have done a similar thing! They were staying at my house and I didn't have any of their preferred brand of pancake mix in my pantry. Well, did you ever! Unbelievable! Make pancakes from flour and sugar? Whoever heard such nonsense! That's not how we raised you!

I wish I were exaggerating here. But yes, you guessed it, when they left the left me a giant box of that darn pancake mix on the counter. It went to the food bank.

[JR]

Yeah I think your interpretation is very likely right; he's trying to start drama in a passive-aggressive way. I also read it as asserting dominance over you. He probably doesn't care about the deer one way or another, but the fact that you have an opinion and some emotional investment here, well, that's just capital! THAT can be used against you! And since you've gone grey rock, emotional hooks like that are harder to come by. That your brother would stoop to such tricks means you're getting to HIM. Not so much the other way round.

I do have to laugh though because my parents have done a similar thing! They were staying at my house and I didn't have any of their preferred brand of pancake mix in my pantry. Well, did you ever! Unbelievable! Make pancakes from flour and sugar? Whoever heard such nonsense! That's not how we raised you!

I wish I were exaggerating here. But yes, you guessed it, when they left the left me a giant box of that darn pancake mix on the counter. It went to the food bank.

its like they want to leave you a calling card saying i'll do whatever it takes to frustrate you and keep you on edge because i enjoy it, and theres nothing you can do about it or can do to me, your trapped and i have the upper hand, i believe my brother is serverely Narcissistic and has learned the trade from the mother who goes along with it, she trained him this way like if someone tells you no, you just do it some more you have every right to harass people who set standards or advocate for themselves, or set boundaries against you.