Hi

[Morning star]

Hi, peace and goodwill to all. Long story short, enduring a thirty year marriage to an undiagnosed borderline/narcissist. I'm a little worse for wear in more ways than one. I'm not sure I have the right to complain though, as so many here face much worse than myself, and my heart goes out to those for I can't even pretend to start to comprehend some of the horror stories here. I only have my own sordid experience. At least with the last of my children to leave home in the next few years, my finish line is in sight.
  I've been aware of the toxic dynamics for a few years and this knowledge has helped with resilience, but I still kick the mines on my complacent days. As I become more resistant, the soul plundering becomes more frequent and intense, and the cruelty of discard escalates.
  I suppose I am here as isolation has become an intimate friend, and to be honest, I'm unsure of genuine interactions now as I don't know which parts of my humanity were lost in the chaos of the past. I guess I'm looking for somewhere to re-enter reality, amongst those like myself who want to see colour in the shades of grey between the black and white. Thanks for reading and thank you to all that make this platform possible. Peace and love.

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome! You have found a good place, full of information and support. Have you checked out the Toolbox? Since you are still living with your difficult partner, you will find some helpful strategies there. See you around on the boards!

[Rebel13]

Welcome Morning star! I second notright's recommendation to check out the Toolbox. The articles are a great support in building on the coping skills you already have to protect yourself as much as you can. There are also lots of posts in the Chosen Relationships section that have great advice and help in breaking down that feeling of isolation. You're not alone, and it's definitely not just you!